Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Colorado ClusterF&@K

After embarrassing the Hawks, Fleischmann does the funky running man?!?!

As CSN's Chuck Garfien said following the game, "That, did not...just happen". I don't know if ANY defensemen showed up for either team, because if they were on the ice they didn't do god damned thing. Six goals scored in the first 20 mins, and it was a 3-3 tie going into the second frame. Forty seconds into the second and the Hawks give up yet another wide open slot goal. The Hawks opened up a 5-4 lead with 2 and a half minutes to go, and the wheels fell off the cart. Three goals in the final two and a half minutes and it was over. Pathetic and embarrassing. Because that was 2 and a half hours of my life that I'll never recover, I dedicate this silly shit to the Hackhawks:

That clip should be looped on the monitors in the locker room to remind them of that atrocious waste of a game. On with the carnage...

The Good
  • Leave it up to Brouwer Power to actually have himself an admirable game that gets wasted. First, He picked up a garbage powerplay goal, but it all counts. Kopecky muffed on the play, and he half ass kicked it to Brouwer, who just ripped it through Craig Anderson. The third goal, by Bickell, was pretty shady. Brouwer sent in a floater that banked off Bickell and into the net. Awful goal for Anderson to give up. Brouwer had a great tip for the Hawks fifth goal, off a Duncan Keith wrist shot from the point on the powerplay. Three minutes to go in the third and the Hawks are up 5-4. Game over right? Think again. The Hawks had other plans.

  • Skillington's goal was really another fortunate bounce that ended up on his stick, and he snapped it home. Once again, I like seeing people rewarded for hard work and heart. Those are two things Jack has shown this year.

  • Crawford looked good again, and the team responds better when he's in net. I think the team has decided that they want him as their netminder. Marty, it's over, man. Just too bad they didn't want to respond for more than 57 minutes. Really, most of the goals given up let the goalies hung out to dry. Crawford did make a nice save late in the game on yet ANOTHER one timer in the slot.

  • The fight between Big Show and former Blackhawk for a minute David Koci was entertaining, but hardly effective. What else do you expect with two complete cement heads out there? I'd be shocked if they DIDN'T fight. I'd say Big Show took that one, but did ANYONE care?

  • Jeremy Morin's second goal of the year was pretty weak, in and of itself, but no complaining here. Good job kiddo. Keep firing the biscuit.

  • Jake the Snake moved up to third line center with Brouwer and Bickell, with Invisi-Bolly out. He didn't look out of place, and he certainly played better in the Avs end than Bolland has.
The Bad
  • Well under the radar, Invisi-Bolly apparently has an upper body injury, which I can only guess is a bruised ego, or mental deficiency. Ryan Potulny was called up to center the forth line.

  • The Hawks all too often found Colorado forwards in behind their defensemen. Not a good sign, and you'd think after once or twice they'd stay a little more alert. It was like a carnival shooting gallery all game. The Hawks only gave up 30 shots, but every time you turn around, there is another Colorado player wide open in the slot.

  • Potulny, Morin and Bickell isn't exactly the powerplay line other teams will piss themselves over. Stalberg and Skille are sitting the bench while Bickell and Potulny are out there? C'mon Joel, that's just moronic.

  • Whoever was sitting near one of the open mics ringing a cowbell all game needs to be sodomized with a hot poker and buried alive. This isn't a youth game, cut the shit.

  • Big Show and his 265 seconds of glory. This guy is really earning every dollar, and he REALLY skates like he shat his drawers. My two year old runs around like that when she fills hers.

  • Just when the whole media is crowing about Keith being back in his Norris Trophy winning form, him and Seabrook went -4 EACH. That's our top defensive pairing. NEGATIVE FOUR!
The Ugly
  • Eighteen seconds into the game and Colorado got things rolling against Turco. Toews, Stalberg and Keith all let Yip one time a shot in the slot, right into the back of the net. What a great way to start the game, and it was certainly a sign of things to come. People aren't even in their seats, and the home team is up 1-0.

  • Colorado goal number two was also ridiculously stupid. Keith and Seabrook really showed a half assed effort and Stastny went right through the two of them and put a shot on net that flipped over Turco. Yes, #2 and #7 looked like they didn't want to be bothered, but Marty got a piece of it. It almost looked like, at that point, he had already given up. Thanks for making me look like an asshole, Marty. I'm glad I backed THAT horse. Fucking Mule!

  • Twenty three seconds after the Hawks tie it, in the first, they give up another goal as Kopecky, Campbell, and Hjalmarsson let yet ANOTHER Colorado forward skate wide open in slot. Guys? Hello? Are you there? Anyone? The first period started and you look like dogshit. What happened to this great defense we've all heard so much about?

  • Then it was Brent Seabrook's turn to really screw Turco by turning the puck over at the blue line and 40 seconds into the second, it was 4-3 Colorado. Make all the excuses you want, Steve Konroyd, but Seab's shit the bed on that one. Not that I don't agree with Turco being pulled, but the Hawks were absolutely fucking TERRIBLE on defense. Three wide open shots in the slot and a turnover which lead to a 2 on 2 and ends up in the back of their own net. Just BRUTAL!! Honestly, the Hawks should have come out of the first intermission with Crawford. Turco just didn't have it last night and his .600 save percentage made that clear.

  • Goal number 5 was a simple wrist shot that beats Crawford, but why was Fleischmann allowed to put the brakes on and let it go like he did? Seabrook just backed off and almost did a bambi on ice reenactment. Fleischmann let the shot rip it at the net, and we have a tie game. Like the rest of the game, SLOPPY! So much for that 5-4 lead with two and a half minutes left. Oh it gets better.

  • Aaaaaaaand the sixth goal less than a minute later, where Seabrook and Keith just let Douche-ene slide right between them and ONCE AGAIN one time a puck, in the slot, into the back of their net. It's a cliche but in this case it's true. There is NO "D" in Blackhawks. Bunch of fucking sad sacks. Throw an empty netter in for good measure. Assholes! That was disgusting.
If you really want to watch this embarrassment here you go:

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