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Friday, February 24, 2017

Blackhawks vs Coyotes
6-3 Win Special Guest Recap

“Hardwired To Self-Destruct”

by Alex Temes from HowlinHockey

With crazy schedules I put out the beacon for guest recappers, so Alex Temes from the Yotes site Howlin' Hockey stepped up and volunteered. I cannot be grateful enough. Please take a read and follow him on twitter.

Hey Puckin Hostile and Blackhawks fans, my name is Alex Temes and I’m a staff writer for Howlin’ Hockey, a Coyotes blog. In Coyotes Twitter-land, I am the King of Hot Taeks, the Viceroy of Unpopular Opinions and I’m here to give you your Coyotes-Blackhawks post-game rundown.

Recapping Thursday night’s game, I broke it down by period and took notes through the whole game. One note I took was during warmups, Ryan Hartman parked himself in the right circle during warm ups and spent five or so minutes doing his best bar-south Alex Ovechkin impression. The funny part was he only made like two shots.

Also worth noting is how useless Coyotes GM John Chayka has been to me this season, so I took the opportunity to join the rest of the NHL for a quick sec to jokingly mock the Coyotes:


The game really ended up being a tryout for the Coyotes in that whoever succeeded in the game may get the opportunity to be traded to Chicago and be your next playoffs savior like Antoine Vermette (I have one Hawks jersey and it’s Vermette’s so bite me). In terms of play, the first period went a little something like this: the puck dropped, the Coyotes brought it into the zone, turned it over and the Blackhawks scored. The goal officially read out Schmaltz from Toews and Panik, but that goal had defensive meltdown written all over it and as someone who watches all 82 painful games of Coyotes hockey, I can assure you it was because Luke Schenn and Oliver Ekman-Larsson were paired together to start the game.

Following that first goal, there was a good 4-5 minute lull of the Coyotes shuffing one way, the Blackhawks shuffling it back and so on. The one thing I did notice was (sorry for the Coyotes crap again) Ryan White and Max Domi were on the same line for a little while and if there is any way to stymie offensive play with Max Domi, it’s putting him out there with Ryan ‘Grit Wins Games In Dave Tippett’s World’ White.

Jakob Chychrun broke the Arizona goose egg with a monster blast from the point at 7:36 mark to knot the game up. This was your run of the mill puck movement and snap-shot kind of goal. Crawford didn’t really have shot at blocking it.

That goal was followed up by two more Blackhawks goals from Hartman (his 15th) and Kane (his 21st). During this time, the Blackhawks weren’t really outplaying Arizona, but they certainly capitalized on their opportunities and made Arizona pay for their mistakes. For instance, Coyotes mistake #1 was skating White instead of the chick who won the shoot for loot game during second intermission and #2 was Mike Smith doing Mike Smith goalie things (i.e. giving up soft goals and misplaying pucks far too close to the goal line).

Arizona did stick around though, at least for the first, offering up two goals in response from White (groan) and ex-Blackhawk/future Blackhawk Radim Vrbata. The period ended with Brian Campbell sitting for two, with the allegation of delay of game.

But after the first, it’s as if the Coyotes were “Hardwired to Self-Destruct”…

The second period went a lot like a typical Coyotes-Hawks game post-2012 playoffs would go: my Captain, Shane Doan, bitched at the linesmen over obvious offsides/icing calls, the Coyotes played crap defense and the Blackhawks scored two gimme goals. Old Man Michal Roszival (no relation to Pucking Hostile’s Uncle Roszival I hear) scored his first at 2:56, from future Coyotes trade acquisition Nick Schmaltz and Captain Serious.

Kane followed Roszival up 10 minutes later, scoring his second as the Hawks really began to tear down every shred of decency the Coyotes had left. When it came down to it in the second, the Blackhawks cherrypicked a few good offensive opportunities and made the sloppy Coyotes defense pay for it big time.

One weird situation to note was the near-Blackhawks goal save by Jordan Martinook at the goal line. Martinook slid into the net with the puck on him, but the call was waived off. Many in-arena jeered in dismay (including the idiots in front of me who got all pissed that I decided to stand and cheer when my team scored earlier) when the call was waived off, but the net came off far before the puck neared the goal line and it was not like Martinook was standing there to flip the net over Henrik Lunqvist-style.

That no-goal didn’t really matter though, because after the Hawks killed a 4-minute double minor for Dick Panik’s shotty dental work on Martin Hanzal, Patrick Kane netted his hat-trick and Chelsea Dagger became the official theme song to my nightmares.

One other note about the third period: Alex Goligoski nearly scored an own goal. That’s how bad this season has gone for Arizona.

4 Key Points Of The Game Plus One Broadcasting Beef

1. The Coyotes had life early, but just could not sustain it: Very characteristic of a streaky team with young talent, the Coyotes hung with Chicago through the entirety of the first, but absolutely turtled for the other 40 minutes. This matchup will be more interesting in two years.

2. The Blackhawks are very good at hockey: This fact will come as no surprise to any Hawks fans. Chicago played solid defense most of the game, moved the puck well and had amazing chemistry from whistle to whistle, particular on what you call the PTSD Line.

3. Blackhawks fans got to see what the pickings look like for the trade deadline: The Coyotes are out of it (I’m not kidding myself) and we are gonna move expiring contracts (see Michael Stone’s departure to hell…uhhh I mean Calgary). Radim Vrbata, Martin Hanzal, Luke Schenn and even, maybe, probably not Shane Doan were out on display Thursday night. It’s a 1st round pick or best offer at this point.

4. Patrick Kane is very good and it will take a whole set of top pairing defensemen to shut him down in a playoff series.

5. NBCSN/CSN can screw off: The Coyotes don’t get national broadcasts very often, but when we do it’s typically against Chicago and in Chicago. They never get a fair shake in the media and it doesn’t help what little street cred we have when Jeremy Roenick makes up trade rumors at the intermission desk on a whim and Eddy Olcyzk mocks our every passing attempt.

Next Up: Chicago plays St. Louis on Sunday, or so the NHL.com calendar says. Do Coyotes fans a favor and wipe center ice with Ryan Reaves nose please.

For more Coyotes content, including any potential Chicago-Arizona trade rumors, prospect reports and trade targets, check out HowlinHockey.com and follow our Twitter page @HowlinHockey or my Twitter @temesy24. Or act like you never saw this. Your call.


Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Blackhawks at Minnesota
5-3 Win Recap

"Paper Tiger"

by Gatekeeper

Not much time for the Blackhawks to gloat on their big win in Buffalo Sunday night, as they headed to Minnesota to face the ice hillbillies; otherwise known as the Wild. It has been made pretty evident that the Wild will be a pain in the Blackhawks' collective asses for the remainder of the regular seasons. Then bulbous Bruce Boudreau will face a coach that will completely out coach him for games 6 and 7 of a series, and we will all laugh heartily at them once again. For now, at least, this Wild team will continue to prove to be a proverbial thorn in the Blackhawks' side, which will also make those ice hillbillies utterly intolerable.

The Wild were not impressed by the visiting Blackhawks at all, and came at them hard to open the game. The Hawks had a couple of decent early chances but the Wild certainly had a majority of the quality scoring opportunities in the opening half of the period. The action seemed like an end to end race for a good portion of the play despite the Wild chances, but the Blackhawks eventually started to catch up in scoring chances in the later half of the first period. Luckily for both teams, their goalies were dialed in. The Hawks led in the first period shots on net 15-14, and it could have easily been 2-2, but the goaltenders kept it a scoreless game.

The Blackhawks took little time grabbing a lead early in the second period, doing so just a mere 60 seconds out of the intermission. The Wild were able to quickly regroup and tie the game, but the Blackhawks came right back and answered under a minute later. It was nice to see the Blackhawks look like they gave a wet rats ass, and the Wild didn't really know how to handle them, especially the newly coined #PTSDLine. The Blackhawks dominated the Wild in shots 13-5 and also led 2-1 going into the second intermission. There is nothing to complain about there, but you have to think the Wild weren't going to go down that easy.

Just as I said that, the Blackhawks immediately grabbed a 3-1 lead just thirty three seconds into the third period, and it seemed like they might run away with this game. Even though the Wild tied the game around the thirteen minute mark, the Blackhawks turned right around, again, to open the two goal lead right back up. The action wasn't done there, though, with the Wild almost cutting the lead again. Luckily the officials made the right call this time around, waving off a goal that was clearly scored with a high stick. There were still 10 minutes to play, though. I bring that up because the Wild continued to bring serious pressure and did finally cut the lead down to one goal with just over five minutes remaining. A late flurry was narrowly averted by the Hawks even though they were out shot 13-11, and the inevitable empty net goal sealed the deal.

The Good
  • Jonathan Toews gave the Blackhawks a 1-0 lead just one minute into the second period. Brian Campbell let a long shot from the blue line go, into traffic, and into the Wild defender Dumba. The puck dropped into the crease for El Capitan shoveled into the net. Nice to see that fat ass slacker increasing his trade value, so they can trade him for something that will never equate his value, and appease the asshole meatball collective.
  • El Capitan then answered the Wild power play goal by feeding #DickFuckingPanik, just 41 seconds later. Toews out worked two lackadaisical Wild defenders and Panik found a soft spot in the slot. As we've grown to love, Panik can let a snap shot go as good as anyone. Goal number 16 and point number 30 for #DickFuckingPanik. As Terry Boers used to say, MY GUY! I might have missed on the success, or lack thereof, for Michal Kempny but I nailed the hell out of Panik. He has more than filled the hole left by the overpriced head case Andrew Shaw. Mock Richard Panik all you'd like, and many have, but 35+ points from a guy that was acquired in a throw-a-way deal is phenomenal. Bowman really clowned Toronto on this one, right Stan?
  • Thirty three seconds into the third period, Nick Schmaltz gave the Blackhawks a 3-1 lead. Jonathan Toews won a clean faceoff to Schmaltz, who wasted little time getting a shot off through a screen. Dubnyk never saw the shot and suddenly the red light was flashing.
  • Less than two minutes after the Zack Parise goal, the #PTSDLine was at it again. Nick Schmaltz made a beautiful reverse pass, while going behind the net, to Jonathan Toews and El Capitan poked it past a surprised and clueless Devan Dubnyk.
  • It wasn't pretty but El Capitan was able to finish the hat trick, and fifth point of the night with an empty net goal. Surprised that Toews' fat, lazy, overrated ass could manage that one, right intarwebz experts?
  • Future slam dunk hall of famer Joel Quenneville got his 400th Blackhawks win. Props to Q. As frustrating as he can be, we're lucky to have him.
  • I was really impressed with Nick Schmaltz's puck control, skating and confidence in this game. There were a few spots where I was shocked at how impressive he looked. I have been pretty hard on the kid but, especially in the seconds period, he looked great. That said, the entire #PTSDLine gave the Wild absolute fits.

The Bad
  • Just over six minutes into the second period, the Wild turned a Blackhawks penalty into the game tying goal. Corey Crawford make a couple of excellent saves, including one on a redirect. Not only that, but Duncan Keith basically shot the rebound back at Crawford, which he ALSO saved. Mikael Granlund was then able to finally push the third try past Corey Crawford to tie the game. This wouldn't last long, though.
  • With just over 13 minutes left in the third period, a long wide Marco Scandella shot was redirected by Zack Parise about 10 feet in front of Crawford and ended up in the net. You can point towards a failed Blackhawks powerplay just a few minutes earlier as the catalyst for this goal.
  • A few minutes after Jonathan Toews gave the Blackhawks back a 2 goal lead, the Wild looked like them might have cut the lead to one goal again but the officials waved it off with a clear high stick.
  • Patrick Kane led the Blackhawks with 6 shots on net, and walked away with nary a point.
  • Right towards the end of the first period, Edzo was complaining that a backhand cross ice pass from Panarin to Kane wasn't hard enough, even though it ended up right in Kane's wheelhouse. Must be nice in that perfect little world his mind is sitting in.

The Ugly
  • A Tanner Kero penalty late in the third, turned into a Wild powerplay goal. Once again the Wild had cut the lead to just one goal. The Blackhawks penalty kill left much to be desired while failing to clear yet another great Corey Crawford save and gave up goals on 2 of 3 Wild powerplays.
  • The Blackhawks defense looks like a steaming pile of cow dung in the last 3/4 of the third period, leaving their goaltender hung out to dry several times. It looked like a free for all, but they were able to eventually keep from totally pissing themselves.
  • While I'm on the subject, To anyone who entertained the thought of trading Jonathan Toews, this is for you dumb assholes:

The #Fatrick Stankus Fatsy Stats
  • The third line was not good at all. Marian Hossa had a bad turnover and they just had a bad night overall. They were the only forwards with negative plus/minus.
  • Toews and Panik led the possession numbers, as you might expect.
  • Even thought Jonathan Toews won a key faceoff that led to a goal, they were under 45% as a team.

The Lineblender
Left Wing - Center - Right Wing
Schmaltz - Toews - Panik
Panarin - Anisimov - Kane
Rasmussen - Kruger - Hossa
Hartman - Kero - Hinostroza

Keith - Hjalmarsson
Kempny - Seabrook
Campbell - van Riemsdyk

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Blackhawks vs. Sabres
5-1 Win Recap

"Aces High"

By Patrick Norton

While they lost their five game win streak with a loss to the Edmonton Oilers on Saturday, the Blackhawks could salvage the weekend with a Sunday evening matchup on the road in upstate New York. The KeyBank Center in the heart of downtown Buffalo was home to tonight’s #HockeyDayInAmerica showdown on NBCSN between two non-conference, non-rival, and unevenly matched teams. I mean, they’re the Sabres. They have Eichel and the brother of some dude on Saad’s line. Anyways, this somehow made a national broadcaster, but it didn’t receive the A-Team broadcasters. We’ll discuss that bit later.

The first period provided a rocky start - what else is new? - for the Blackhawks, but no matter the mistakes the skaters made, #LemontNativeScottDarling was there to rescue his teammates. Ryan Hartman lit the lamp early on and the Blackhawks livened up a bit. Suddenly, puck possession was a Blackhawks tradition that couldn’t be broken. Robin Lehner somehow was keeping his squad in the game, but all momentum found residence on the away team bench. Darling made the saves and all seemed well just seconds from heading into the locker room with a one goal lead after one. But we can’t have nice things, so after the refusal to clear their own end, a turnover occurred and one thing led to another. We all know how this one ends. A crappy goal to end a period to suck the life out of the Hawks. Perfect.

Evander Kane’s goal did not leave a lasting impact. The Hawks went right back to work in the second. Sure, goals seemed harder to come by, but with the blazing pace the Hawks had, it was surely only a matter of time. Ta Da! Marian Hossa and Jonathan Toews tacked on late period tallies and the defense ya know...defended in the final seconds of the period and the Hawks had a commanding grasp on this one.

For good measure, Anisimov deflected in a Patrick Kane shot to increase the lead to three and Kane cut himself a slice of the cake when he undressed Lehner to finish of an offensive gem for the Blackhawks. The road win streak carries on to six. HEADLINE: Kane, Blackhawks cause mayhem in Buffalo. Too soon? Hawks 5, Sabres 1.

The Good

  • Just about everything.
  • Patrick Kane’s goal made Ben Bishop shit his pants from thousands of miles away. It really doesn’t get much better than that. 
  • Don’t forget about the setup, though. Panarin’s patience in feeding the puck to Kane grew as the game went on and boy, did it pay dividends. Panarin drew THREE Sabre defenders and shimmied a pass across the offensive zone to a wide open Kane. How many times do we have to say it? Don’t leave Patrick Kane alone in Buffalo.
  • Hossa and Toews are really deteriorating rapidly, eh? *insert middle finger emoji*
  • Highly underrated in this game was the Blackhawks PK. They killed off a 5-on-3 in the first period and made it look easy. 
  • It sucks that the outcome will likely come from another team, but damn, Scott Darling is going to get PAID! Deservedly so, too. One goal allowed on twenty-seven shots faced. Pretty good for a goalie who hasn’t played too much.
  • The defense did their job very well for 59:55 of tonight’s game. Not much to complain about. Even Michal Kempny did pretty well. 
  • Instead of watching the final five minutes of the game, I enjoyed a wonderful meal consisting of a strip steak, not one, but TWO baked potatoes, and some asparagus. A delicious meal made on the grill tonight. This weather was fantastic. I cleaned the garage, I ran errands, and grilled. I hope everybody with similar weather was able to enjoy it, too. 

The Bad

  • Ryan Hartman grabbed his knee and writhed in pain momentarily on the bench. I didn’t really follow up, so I would imagine he’s okay.
  • I wasn’t too fond of the broadcasting crew. At least the doctor wasn’t in the house tonight. 

The Ugly

  • The defense simply had a mental lapse in the final ten seconds of period one. The point is mute after the big victory, so I don’t even remember who was on the ice, but not every team is like the Sabres. A lot of other teams wouldn’t have fumbled the momentum handed to them at a period’s end. Be better.

Short and sweet tonight, just like Gate. Enjoy your President’s Day and if you can, take a step outside. No hockey worth watching tomorrow, so you’re going to have to find something to do. That is, unless you sleep all day like a wild nocturnal Fatrick. Alright, alright, alright, that’s all, I swear.

Thanks for being a fun bunch, Hostile readers. 

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Blackhawks vs Oilers
3-1 Loss Recap

"Beginning of Sorrow"

by Gatekeeper

The Blackhawks returned to the ice after a five day NHL mandated bye week, Saturday night. Based on the past records of teams coming off their bye week (3-10-3), we were not to expect much from this tilt, which is not exactly ideal for the Blackhawks. They were red hot before the break, and five days off is no way to keep that momentum up. Aside from that, Blackhawks veteran Brent Seabrook was suiting up for his 900th NHL game, which moved him into 7th in Blackhawks history. He will move up to 6th, passing Dennis Hull, when he plays his 904th. Congrats to the big guy. That wasn't the only milestone in this one, though.

Much to my surprise the Hawks looked well rested and alert in the first period. Of course a couple of powerplays helped, but they had a jump in their step and peppered the Oilers for a majority of the first period. The Oilers didn't get a legitimate scoring chance until the period was well over halfway expired; in fact, the Oilers has a grand total of only four shots on net, while the Blackhawks amassed twelve. The only really bad part was the penalty that the Blackhawks took with four seconds remaining.

The second period looked a little more like what we all expected for the opening frame. The Oilers took a 1-0 lead on an utterly stupid goal, and the Blackhawks ran around for a good portion of the period. The Blackhawks also played very sloppy at times, which had Corey Crawford clawing for his own sanity. It's really disheartening how many times the Blackhawks have played one really good period and turned right around to lay an egg. The period ended with the Blackhawks getting 16 shots on net to 9 shots for the Oilers, but the Oilers lone goal had the Hawks playing from behind going into the third period.

The Oilers came out in the third and took a 2-1 lead, after the Blackhawks failed on yet another powerplay, which was the theme for the night. That would prove to be all the Oilers would need to win, in this one. The Hawks out shot the Oilers for the third straight period, 11-9, and were able to break the shutout but they eventually fell short 3-1. When you out shoot a team 39-22, you need to win.

The Good
    The Captain Double Dick line had a pretty decent night out there. I've been hard on Schmaltz, but he's finally looking like an actual useful NHL player. He was getting way too many undue accolades early on. #DickFuckingPanik scored his 15th goal of the year, on a nice give and go with the El Capitan. Don't say I didn't warn you. Panik is going to easily hit the 35 point mark, I predicted, if he can simply get 6 points in his final 24 games. The Jonathan Toews assist was his 600th NHL point.
  • I'm not really the biggest Cam Talbot fan but that Ghostbusters mask he has is slick as hell. That said, he had a helluva night.

The Bad
  • Artem Anisimov turned the puck over to Ryan Nugent-Hopkins late in the first period, while on the powerplay, and had to really be crafty to strip RNH from behind without giving up a goal or taking a penalty.
  • Andrew Desjardins had a team low 6:29 of time on ice. I have a feeling that John Jaeckel's assumption that Michael Latta could be replacing Desjardins soon could be a very real possibility, in a hurry.
  • The Blackhawks powerplay had some pressure but they could not get shots through to the net to save their lives, which makes the powerplay suck immensely. Too much talent to be going 0-3.
  • Lauren Magiera is just super awkward for these WGN games. I'm not sure why they have her out there floundering, but Frankenberry Roan would be much better. Everything she says sounds like she's confused, and she not sure what she's talking about. Combine her with Steve Konroyd and you have the most bland, confusing intermission show possible. But, hey...

The Ugly
  • Tanner Kero damn near had his head taken clean off by Eric Gryba at center ice. Luckily Kero was not injured on the hit but Ryan Hartman went after Gryba and earned himself 17 minutes in penalties "defending the honor of his teammate". Kero then got his clock cleaned once again, after the powerplay, as well. He is going to end up eating his meals through a straw, at this point, if he doesn't protect himself better.
  • Speaking of the powerplay to follow, Matt Benning threw the puck to the net and Trevor van Riemsdyk, who was the only player in that entire section of the ice, had a wonderful deflection off his skate and into the Hawks net. Corey Crawford certainly wasn't expecting his own defenseman to kick the puck into his own net, yet there was the amazing TVR. Why the fuck would you kick at a puck going through you crease like that? There was absolutely no other place that puck was going once van Riemsdyk stuck his skate out.
  • Milan Lucic fucking sucks! For a player that will be making $6 million for the next six years, he's the worst. If I didn't know better, I would have thought he was either hurt or scratched. Not so. He got a gift goal in the third, when Michal Kempny tripped over his own two feet which gave Lucic enough time to beat Corey Crawford five hole. He still sucks.
  • The United Center crowd was absolutely dead as hell most of the night. Not that the Hawks gave them much to make a fuss about but, shit, act like you care. Well, except for these fucking guys...

The #Fatrick Stankus Fatsy Stats
  • The Hawks won an incredible 65% of their faceoffs, and Jonathan Toews won 19 of 24 by himself.
  • Based on the inflated shot advantage, the Hawks overall Corsi for number was 83 to the Oilers 40.
  • Kane, Toews, Panarin and Keith possession numbers were all grossly in the positive to the tune of +18, +26, +27, and +18.

The Lineblender
Left Wing - Center - Right Wing
Schmaltz - Toews - Panik
Panarin - Anisimov - Kane
Hartman - Kero - Hossa
Rasmussen - Kruger - Desjardins

Keith - Hjalmarsson
Kempny - Seabrook
Campbell - van Riemsdyk


Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Puckin Hostile Shoutcast
Episode 76

In this 76th Puckin Hostile Shoutcast (the Pernell Karl "PK" Subban episode) Gatekeeper, Fatrick, and Norton go the losers route on Valentines day, as each other's dates.

The jagtastic asshattery includes:
-Gate is back from Seattle and Vancouver
-A new iTunes review (probably Norton's mom)
-Stupid bye week has everyone sitting on their asses doing nothing. Not a perfect time for the Hawks either
-Claude Julien was fired and hired, and might have Lindy Ruff right behind him.
-Tim Horton's sucks
-Hawks played some games vs the Coyotes, Stars, Wild Jets, and Oilers
-Some late listener questions
-And of course, as always, an abundance of extremely inappropriate references and jokes in incredibly bad taste

You can find the episode on iTunes by following this link: iTunes

Get the Shoutcast directly though Soundcloud here:

For all your custom jersey needs visit Black and Tan Sports at:

Saturday, February 4, 2017

Blackhawks vs. Stars 5-3 Win Recap

"Down With The Sickness"

By Patrick Norton

Hockey bloggers are tougher than any other sports bloggers. Here’s your proof: Fatrick is forcing Uncle Rozsival to rub Bengay all over the hard-to-reach spots on his ailing back, Gate was busy or sick, but nobody really cares, so I stepped up. Sure enough, I haven’t been able to see, breathe or speak, my sinuses are so congested. But here at Puckin’ Hostile, there is no giving up. No matter how trashy this recap is, it’s in your newsfeed shortly after the game goes final. So here it is - I win - This is the worst recap of all time.

The first period was nasty crap - kind of like what I’ve been dropping today. While neither team could find the back of the net, the Dallas Stars handed the Blackhawks a gift from God with two horribly unsuccessful powerplays in the first frame. The period was essentially a back and forth youth hockey game where the teams struggle to enter the zone.

The second period started before the Blackhawks could even get out of the dressing room and eight seconds in, the Stars broke the game’s cherry. Radek Faksa put one past Crawford and once again, the Blackhawks were caught sleeping. Then, Chicago found their bearings and picked up their pace. Tanner Kero muscled through the defense of Dallas, slid a puck through the slot to an open Ryan Hartman and Hartman did not miss. With the score knotted at one, Chicago wasn’t finished in the period. Gustav Foreskin rifled a laser from the point and just like old times, it deflected off of Patrick Sharp to give the visitors the lead. Heading into the third up by one hasn’t ended successfully for the Blackhawks as of late, so skepticism was warranted from the hockey analysts during the WGN Intermission Report, right? Well, they didn’t exactly do that, but I’ll get into that a little later.

Sure as God made green apples, the Blackhawks would give away their lead early in the third frame. Jamie Benn netted his sixteenth of the year less than a full minute removed from the intermission and suddenly, we had a new game on our hands. Then, in what seemed like seconds, not minutes later, Tyler Seguin caught Corey Crawford out of position when the Stars’ forward stole the puck from the grasps of Gustav Forsling behind the visitors nets. And just like that, the Blackhawks trailed. But Patrick Kane settled down a bouncing puck, went forehand-backhand, and beat Kari Lehtonen to even up the score, once again. With little time remaining and OT seemingly on the horizon, Artem Anisimov unsuccessfully crashed the net, but with a lack of mental capacity, Lehtonen left the puck uncovered. Here’s where it gets wild: Trevor van Riemsdyk stuffed it home. Yes, that TVR. I was just as shocked. Crawford and the Hawks were tasked with holding onto the one goal lead for the next four minutes, and just when you thought Jamie Benn had an empty net, Ryan Hartman dove and deflected the shot away. Soon after, Artemi Panarin drew a penalty and for the final thirty seconds, the Blackhawks teed off on an empty net finding no success netting their fifth tally of the night. Finally, with 00.9 on the clock, Toews ripped an uncontested shot into the back of the net and that’s all she wrote. Hawks escape, 5-3.

The Good

  • Another plus performance for Ryan Hartman and Tanner Kero. Kero was successful in even strength draws and assisted on the first goal for the team donning an Indian head.
  • Ryan Hartman put a tally in the goal column AND preserved the lead with an excellent desperation shot block.
  • Toews scored. That buys us three nights meatball-free.
  • Patrick Kane’s goal was too beautiful to assess. Overpowering the defense and using pure skill and speed, Kane slipped the puck by Lehtonen. Too easy.
  • Besides three shifts that resulted in goals, the defense wasn’t too bad and stepped up late against the high powered stars of the Stars. 
  • The penalty kill was successful and did not allow a single tally over the course of three minor penalties. 
  • Jordin Tootoo beat up on Antoine Roussel, but left the game due to a bloody nose… best of both worlds. 
  • TVR scored following up an Anisimov stuff attempt. Not bad. 
  • Patrick Sharp tallied for the Hawks. Will that count toward his career total with the team when he’s back in a week?

The Bad

  • When allowing the three goals, the defense looked outmatched and unprepared. Can’t happen three times in one game. 
  • Corey Crawford wasn’t all-too impressive, though, so forget what I said about the silencing of the meatballs because they’re already in Gate’s mentions.
  • We’re all in pretty bad shape here at Puckin’ Hostile. I mean way too sick and generally large. Let’s just say Jaeckel gave us an STD (Skype Transmitted Disease). Luckily, Froster has a horrible memory, alarm clock, or both and is chugging along healthier than ever.
  • The offense could’ve found themselves down here, but three third period goals spared them the dignity. 

The Ugly 

  • Here’s what you’ve been waiting for - my Dr. Konroyd rant of the night. First off, he was the color man, but Pat Foley was providing more insightful analysis throughout the night. Secondly, instead of talking about the second period during the intermission, Kaptain Kanadaroyd and “Tits McGee” (Fatrick’s name for the WGN broad) fantasized about a possible return of deadweight-deadbraincells Patrick Sharp to the franchise he’s won three Stanley Cups with. In other news, Cheryl Scott has announced her move to WGN news as their new meteorologist following the mysterious disappearance of Tom Skilling. Sorry, y’all, but it’s not happening now, no matter how hard you… dream.
*I'm sure tonight's title has been used before, but it's fitting with the crew under the weather. Actually turns out Gate was playing a hockey game. Contrary to popular belief, Gate didn't give up a touchdown, but the final was 3-2. No word on whether Gate actually played or if he was the backup for "performance reasons."


Thursday, February 2, 2017

Blackhawks at Arizona
4-3 Win Recap

"Breaking The Broken"

by Gatekeeper

Game two, post All-Star break, was in tropical Arizona, Thursday night. The Blackhawks were going to get to see a couple of potential trade deadline targets up close in Kevin Connauton, Luke Schenn, and Martin Hanzel, as mentioned on the previous night's Shoutcast. This was a game the Blackhawks needed to win, and win convincingly. They were coming in on the heels of a three game losing streak where they they simply looked awful. Their weaknesses have been exposed, as of late, and their energy has been lackluster. The Coyotes came into this contest with a home record that wasn't terrible. They were only one game under .500 which, for this team, was pretty good. It was up to the Blackhawks to make sure they didn't hit .500.

For at least the first period, the Blackhawks came out looking like world beaters. Before the game was ten minutes old, they had two goals on seven shots while giving up only two shots against. They weren't done there, though. With about six minutes remaining in the period, on their second powerplay, the Blackhawks took a 3-0. Clearly this was not so much that the Blackhawks were amazing, but that the Coyotes were just godawful. The period ended with the Hawks up 3-0 while out shooting the Yotes 14-6. I honestly couldn't remember the Coyotes having two shots on Corey Crawford.

In typical Blackhawks fashion, they came out in the second period and took three stupid ass penalties in the first four minutes of play. This gave the Coyotes enough opportunity to break the shutout on a 2-man powerplay, which is exactly what happened. The Blackhawks gathered themselves and put their big boy pants back on long enough to get that three goal lead back with about five minutes gone, but stumbled again. The Coyotes scored their second and third of the period before the second intermission, making this game much, much closer than it ever should have been. Can't make it easy on us, can they? The Yotes completely flipped the script on the Blackhawks, out shooting them 14-6 in the second period.

The final period was much more controlled, but that didn't completely keep the stupid penalties off the board for either team. This said, there was no scoring off the powerplays, or scoring in general. Not to say there weren't a few scary moments, but the Blackhawks held the Coyotes at bay, for a half assed win. This is not a game that the Blackhawks deserved to win, but their opponent was just that much worse.

Also, go listen to this week's Shoutcast where we talk, at length, about possible Blackhawks trade deadline targets, and rumors of a possible Scott Darling extension.

The Good
  • Just under halfway through the first period Patrick Kane ripped a snapper over Mike Smith's glove for a 1-0 Blackhawks lead, on the powerplay. Nothing special about this one. Kane just ate Mike Smith alive when the defenseman gave Kane way too much room to size the big greasy man-baby up.
  • About a minute after the Kane goal, Ryan Hartman took advantage of a Coyotes defender with no stick, and blew a long clapper through about a million sets of legs, including Mike Smith's. Two goals in 1:12 had us fans looking for a landslide that never came.
  • The Blackhawks also scored on their second powerplay of the game, with six minutes remaining in the first period. Artemi Panarin and Marian Hossa hooked up on a nice looking zone entry, and Hossa was able to knife right through the Coyotes defense to beat Mike Smith on the stick side. Smith, for some reason, was super deep in his net and left way too much real estate for Hossa to shoot at. The Blackhawks were off to the races, right?
  • After the Blackhawks finished shooting themselves in the foot, for the first 5 minutes of the second period, Artemi Panarin put the Blackhawks back up by 3 goals. Panarin's one timer isn't quite as dangerous as Ovechkin, but it's not far behind, either. He hit a small area of the top shelf surgically. It was really and extremely underrated goal, because one timers are hard enough, but to get them off with such precision is seriously amazing.
  • Jonathan Toews used his pure speed to get himself one on one with Mike Smith, shorthanded, in the third period. Tell me some more about how the Blackhawks need to trade him, meatball imbeciles.

The Bad
  • The Coyotes got their second goal of the game with five and a half minutes remaining in the middle frame. Christian Dvorak pretty impressively redirected a long Shane Doan shot past Crawford to cut the lead back down to two goals.
  • The Coyotes weren't done there, though, folks. With under 5 minutes remaining in the second period, Brendan Perlini banked a long shot from the half boards off the skate of Brent Seabrook past Corey Crawford and into the Hawks net. Just wonderful.
  • Andrew Desjardins not only got his first point of the year in the first period, but he got into a fight with Luke Schenn when Schenn stood up for teammate Radim Vrbata. Schenn came racing at Desjardins after Desjardins put an aggressive bump on Vrbata after a whistle.

The Ugly
  • The Hawks opened up the second period taking two penalties on the first 19 seconds of the period. This gave the Coyotes a long 5-on-3 powerplay and they were able to cut the Blackhawks lead to 2 goals with a back door Oliver Ekman-Larsson goal. They weren't done making themselves look like assholes yet, though. The parade to the penalty box continued to force the penalty kill
  • The Blackhawks ended up taking three delay of game penalties in the first 40 minutes. How does that even happen? Sloppy ass hockey.
  • I know that Mike Smith is kind of a sweaty douchenozzle, but I feel for the guy, as a goalie. Getting your ass handed to you night in and night out cannot be fun. His save percentage is respectable and yet they just get absolutely shelled. I can't blame him for flipping the fuck out a time or two. I certainly would, and probably on a nightly basis.

The #Fatrick Stankus Fatsy Stats
  • Duncan Keith and Niklas Hjalmarsson were pretty well under water in Corsi but, at least in Hjalmarsson's case, it was all the shorthanded time. Hjalmarsson alone was on the ice for just a shade under 6 full shorthanded minutes. That's insanity.
  • The fourth line and third defensive pair held their own in possession, albeit sheltered minutes.
  • The Coyotes out hit the Blackhawks 46-8.

The Lineblender
Left Wing - Center - Right Wing
Schmaltz - Toews - Panik
Panarin - Anisimov - Kane
Rasmussen - Kruger - Hossa
Desjardins - Kero - Hartman

Keith - Hjalmarsson
Forsling - Seabrook
Campbell - van Riemsdyk


Puckin Hostile Shoutcast
Episode 75

In this 75th Puckin Hostile Shoutcast (the Hal Gill episode) Gatekeeper, and the Fatrick twins are joined by, now veteran of Shoutcast lore and the very jagtacular, John Jaeckel from Hockeybuzz.com.

The jagtastic asshattery includes:
-"Homewatch" talk
-The fearsome foursome talk at length about recent Blackhawks trade rumors
-#Fatrick makes a very surprise appearance, to the shock of everyone involved
-Gate and Fatrick go head to head on the worth of Blackhawks defensemen
-The All-Star game and weekend come and go, while no one notices
-One more "One More Shift" coming
-A couple of small NHL trades
-Hey, Ho, the Hitch is dead!
-NHL top 100 of all time list
-Hawks played some games vs the Bruins, Canucks, Lightning Jets, and Sharks
-Many listener questions
-And of course, as always, an abundance of extremely inappropriate references and jokes in incredibly bad taste

You can find the episode on iTunes by following this link: iTunes

Get the Shoutcast directly though Soundcloud here:

For all your custom jersey needs visit Black and Tan Sports at:

Shoutcast Player


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