Wednesday, April 20, 2011

We're Not Dead Yet!

Where is One Trick Bick, and what have you done with him?

Dead Man Walking! That's what this Blackhawks team was, going into this game. Vancouver had pretty much done whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted, while sharing the ice with the Blackhawks. Should we have expected any less from a team that didn't EARN their spot, but were instead, GIVEN it. No, we shouldn't. The series was 0-3 and the the Hawks were in SERIOUS danger of being swept at home, to end their Stanley Cup defense. Top make things even MORE interesting, Brent Seabrook was sitting, thanks to Raffi Bananaphone's blind sided, not playing the puck, "hockey play". Thank you NHL Wheel of Shame. Would the hangman spare the Hawks a painful death at home? OH WOULD HE!

The first period started like everyone would hope, with a highlight reel goal, but that excitement was short lived with a Vancouver powerplay goal. When all was said and done, the Hawks outshot the Nucks 13-7, which was not too bad if they could have managed another goal. Ask and ye shall receive. The Hawks opened up a whole truck load of whoop ass in the second. They scored 4 goals on 13 MORE shots, and only gave up 6 shots. Nothing makes Chicago fans happier than beating Detroit and embarrassing the Nucks netminder. The embarrassment was final when Borat was pulled in the third period, after the 6th goal, and the cherry on top was the last powerplay goal. No complaining here about a total jail rape, like this one.

Last nights game was a beautiful thing, and we should relish it. The Hawks buzzed around the UC like a Stanley Cup champ, and showed a little pride. NOW, Let's not all jump on the last train to Clarksville, and start proclaiming some Herculean comeback. This is STILL the same inconsistent Blackhawks, and they are STILL the Presidents Trophy winning Vancouver Canucks. Yes, I'll agree that there is now a slight glimmer of hope, where there wasn't 24 hours prior, but we ALL need to keep it on an even keel, and take each period, one at a time. The minute the Hawks and their fans start puffing out their chests and beating it like King Kong, is the minute overconfidence betrays them. Last I checked, Seven goals in a game still only equals one win, so this intensity needs to be kept up for three more. Unfortunately, nothing I've seen from this Hawks team makes me think they can keep it up at this pace. Who knows? Maybe this Raffi Bananaphone ordeal was the jolt they needed to make them want it. It would make for a beautiful story, but don't run to your bookie just yet.

The Good
  • Where was THAT Edie Bickell and the New Bohemians all season? He turned Kevin Bieksa, who is as much a ballbag as a solid defender, around like a top and tucked it in around Borat's toe, in highlight fashion. If you asked me which Hawk would score a highlight reel goal to open the game, Bickell would have been right before John Scott.
  • Brian Campbell cashed in on his second great chance of the second period, taking a pass from Kaner and beating Bobby Lu on his glove side, like "it ain't no thang". A few minutes prior, he had cleanly beat Sweaty Bobby Lu, but hit the post.
  • Seventeen seconds later Deuce made up for the previously bad powerplay, taking a feed from Frodo, and putting it past Bobby Lu's bad flipper, while Bickell was blasting his bad breath in Bobo's face.
  • After his goal Deuce looked like a completely different man. He was hungry for the puck and was as aggressive as we've seen him all year. It was REALLY nice to see the REAL Deuce make an appearance, as brief as it may be.
  • As bad Bolland was in the first few shifts, he made up for it with the Hawks fourth goal of the game in the second period. Frodo used his speed to beat the Vancouver defenders and the puck squirted out to a wide open Bolly, who made it look easy, beating Bobo stick side this time.
  • Goal number 4 of the second period was ANOTHER great play by Bolly, who poked a loose puck ahead and sent Frodo in on a break-a-way. Frodo gathered the puck in, eventually, and beat Borat once again. Oh the JOY this brought.
  • The Cash Money Millionaires even jumped into the action on a powerplay in the third period, as Kaner fed Sharpie back door and it was 6-1. It was a gang bang and EVERYONE wanted to throw their junk in the action. Bobby Lu exited stage left soon thereafter. Beat it, you Sweaty Bitch.
  • Sharpies second powerplay goal of the game was on a 4-on-3 after the Canucks turned into a bunch of little pouting little girls, and started with the low class cheap shots. That's one thing I can say about the Hawks. When they were getting beat, they NEVER turned into a bunch of meathead thugs. I guess once a thug, always a scumbag thug, and Torres is on the right team.
  • As much as I cursed the Hawks management for throwing Bolland out there, after just unscrambling his coconut, I have to eat crow. He was THE difference in the game. I don't know HOW he could be, after sitting for over a month, but he was the X-Factor. In my defense, though, for 90% of the season, Dave Bolland was Invisi-Bolly, and not "The Rat". Whoever lit this flame under his ass needs a raise and a promotion. These are things I love to be wrong about, but no one could have predicted this outcome. It was all pipe dreams and speculation.
  • The Gingers, Tomax and Xamot, were a combined -7. I LOVE IT!
The Bad
  • As fast as Bolly took his first penalty back, the Hawks were digging the puck out of their own net. You really can't fault Crawford on the double deflection off Johnson AND Campbell. It was literally a pinball goal, and the Hawks tilted. Some cobwebs up there, Davey? That's NOT the contribution we were looking for, from Bolly, but he made up for it BIG TIME later in the game.
  • No sooner does the Bolland penalty end on the goal, and Deuce takes a bad penalty on Sissy Torres. I'm glad we need our best skater to take a stupid penalty on that complete waste of space. Isn't there anyone else that can go after him? Don't answer that.
  • The Hawks spent the first 45 seconds of their first powerplay in what looked like a Wimbledon tennis match, as Deuce sent two TERRIBLE passes the length of the rink and the Canucks sent them back.
  • Big Show was a plus 1, with one shot on net and two stupid 10 minute misconducts. He just looks like a big stupid animal out there, because no one even wants to entertain his shenanigans. He dropped his gloves and tried to get Tanner Glass to dance, but there wasn't a soul on the ice looking to fight him. CSN didn't show what went down with Torres, late in the game, but HE obviously didn't want to taste the fist of Big Show, either. I guess that's respect, in some weird way.
  • After all the anticipated Vancouver douchebag thugery, Daniel Sedin slipped in behind Stromboli after a faceoff, and redirected an Ehrhoff pass past Crow. Who gives a shit at this point? Take it.
The Ugly
  • Did someone threaten Kane's life if he touched the puck? He avoided it at all costs, in that first period, and parts of the second. Something was amiss, because he usually WANTS the puck on his stick.
  • Kevin Bieksa is really just a big bully. He wants nothing to do with someone his own size, but he's more than happy to drop the gloves with the fighting enigma that is Viktor Stalberg. You beat up on a 3rd line speedster with pillow fists, AFTER he laid you out. Congrats, you're a big man!
Here are the video highlights for your viewing pleasure:

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