Friday, February 8, 2013

Blackhawks at Phoenix - Win Recap


And the hits just keep on coming. The Hawks were in sunny far southwestern Quebec, aka Phoenix, to visit the Yotes and recently paroled, pea brained primate Raffi Torres. The Twatterverse had been abuzz with the prospect of getting at the cement headed ginger, after his near decapitation of Marian Hossa last spring. Honestly, I was just plain sick of it. If he wanted to run around the ice with a sickle in his hand and get himself exiled for an even more extended period time, let him. He's an asshat. The Blackhawks had their sights set on much bigger targets, like continuing their lead of the Western conference. You all know the drill, and this roster, so there is no use boring you once again with the details. Live from Phoenix, it's the Blackhawks and the Coyotes...

It didn't take long for the Hawks to start with the shenanigans, but luckily it was out of the way and done with, early. Once that charade was over, the Hawks opened up such a big lead, so fast, that Phoenix couldn't recover. They scored 4 goals on 17 shots, and completely took the game away from the Yotes.

The second period settled down some, but there were still two more Hawks goals on 6 shots, and the Yotes finally broke the shutout on 10 shots of their own. The fight had been sucked out of them in the first period, so both teams were going through the motions.

The third period had even less fight than the second. There were 10 shots either way, and Phoenix actually mustered up a late goal, but both teams were going through the motions. When all was said and done, the Hawks walked out of the desert with a convincing 6-2 win.

The Good

  • Just over 8 minutes into the game, Shock-n-Shaw set up Swedeberg for a nice one time goal that looked like it caught Smith off guard. Shaw cut up the middle of the ice and pushed the puck past Chipchura. He made a nice move to slide around Chipchura, and once he caught up to the puck, Shaw pushed it over to a surprisingly open Swedeberg. The handsome Swede snapped it past Smith, while two Yotes defenders skated within 5 feet of Stalberg watching him snipe their goalie. This was the beginning of about 20 minutes of hell for Smith. How is that stupid haircut working for you now, Smitty? He might want to consider shaving his head, ASAP!
  • Roughly two minutes later, with about 6 minutes left in the first, the Hawks used a 2 man powerplay advantage to take a 2-0 lead. Shooter ended up with a great chance on a back door feed from Seabrook, that Smith was able to stop. The puck bounced around between everyone's legs long enough for El Capitan to shovel it over to Crazy 8's, who was sitting outside the scrum and to the right of the net. Kane had a wide open net and that's not one he'll likely miss. It was especially satisfying watching Mike Smith throwing a tantrum, on his belly like a child, after the goal.
  • Just under three minutes after the Kane goal, he earned his second point of the night, feeding Bolland for a one timer in the slot. Crazy 8's skated in the Coyotes zone fairly uncontested. He pulled his new favorite move, turning and skating with his back to the defender like he might pull a spin-o-rama, but instead reversed and fed a trailing Bolland for the one timer. I'm not really sure just what the fuck Derek Morris was doing, but he left Bolland wide open, while backing into and screening his goalie. If I was Smitty, and I'm glad I'm not, I'm ready to spear Morris in the groin after that bullshit effort. Dave Tippett should have pulled Smith at this point, because the snowball was gaining momentum. Not that Smith played terrible, but the Hawks were curl stomping all over the Yotes. He dropped the ball on this one. 3-0 Hawks.
  • Another Hawks two man advantage resulted in the forth goal of the first period, with under 2 minutes left. Crazy 8's and Shooter on the back door of the power play is going to give goalies night terrors this season. This time, instead of Kane feeding Shooter, it was the other way around. Shooter sent a laser pass across the crease to Kane on the back door for a lightning quick one timer. Three points for Kane, and three for Sharp in about 8 minutes. I told you that you should have pulled Smith, Tippett. That's right, Boss, just let the boys pick off the carcass. 4-0 Hawks.
  • Just past the 12 minute mark of the second, El Capitan felt it was time to whip his dong out on the table and join the party. He carried the puck up the right wing, 2 on 2, with Saad. Instead of forcing a tough pass across to Saad, he caught Yotes prodigy Oliver Ekman-Larrsen in some kind of daze, with his stick in bad position and leaning the wrong way. Toews read this brilliantly, shifted gears towards the net, and snapped a wrist shot past Smith for a 5-1 Hawks lead. Again, what the fuck is Tippett doing leaving Smith in the game? The team had clearly quit on him. The media should roast him for this, if anyone in Phoenix even cares any more.
  • With 5 minutes remaining in the second period, the Hawks finished off their scoring onslaught, as Swedeberg stole a puck behind the Yotes net and fed it to One Trick Bick. Bickell was basically left alone on the back door to snap the puck into a gaping net. Finally, Smitty's night was over, but at this point, what was the difference? He was done 3 goals ago.
  • 33-24 is right about what you would look for, from the Hawks, as far as shots.
  • The Hawks were 54% at the dots, which is right where you'd ask, as well.
  • Seabrook added to his league lead in blocked shots with 5 more last night. The dude is a consistant machine and if I had a man crush on anyone on this team, it's Lucky Number Sleven. Hjalmarsson had 4 blocks, himself, which has him at 6th in the league, and Oduya added two to put him at #18 in the league. Some big numbers under the radar.
  • Kane is obviously as hot as a player can be. Second in the league in scoring, behind the unconscious Tomas Vanek in Buffalo. This is exactly why all the meatballs that were screaming to trade him after last year, and after the Madison incident need to be collectively dumped in the fucking lake. FU-CKING IDIOTS!!!
The Bad
  • About 5 minutes into the second period, the Yotes finally broke the scoreboard with a redirected powerplay goal. Vrbata walked the blue line, and ripped a long shot on Emery, who was left alone with Hanzel camped on his front porch. It was hard enough for him to see the shot without a redirect complicating matters. Can't really fault him for this goal. It was only the third powerplay goal they have given up, in 11 games. As much as I'd like to hate on this, those are exceptional numbers, and this game was already out of reach.
  • Just for good measure, the Hawks, who had lost interest about 20 minutes previous, gave up a slop goal to Bananaphone Torres in the final 2 minutes of play. I'm sure they meatballs will have a good time with this because it was Torres, but no one cared at this point? Take your worthless goal, asshole, because it matches the rest of your game; worthless and insignificant.
The Ugly
  • It didn't take long for the meatball asshattery to begin. Two and a half minutes into the game, and in the most anticlimactic moment of the season thus far, MegaMayers grabbed a Raffi Torres and the two did the dance of stupidity. Torres was already chirping at the bench and Mayers jumped right off the bench and dropped the mitts. Torres had the edge in the and tussle. Mayers lost his balance the two went down in a heap; Whatever. I get it. Veteran clubhouse guy doing his job. Can we all move on, now? This is almost a fucking year old for fucks sakes.
Here are the video highlights:

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