Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Blackhawks vs Coyotes
6-2 Win Recap

"DEVOUR"

by Gatekeeper

And then there were three. The Blackhawks hosted the Coyotes at the United Center, Tuesday night, in a game that really didn't mean much for either team. The Blackhawks could move up in the standings, but couldn't finish any worse than third. This means that the "fucks given" could have been be hard to find. The Yotes were coming off a terrible game against St. Louis which saw them take a 2-0 lead and then proceeded to give up five unanswered goals. Here I thought the Blackhawks played an incomplete game, on Sunday. Holy hell. On to the action:

To be quite honest, Blackhawks played the first period against the Coyotes a little on the sloppy side. Thankful for them, the Yotes are utterly terrible. The Hawks managed 2 goals on just SIX shots, one of the aforementioned goals being shorthanded. The Coyotes managed only 7 shots, themselves, during the opening period, even with two powerplays.

Surprise, surprise, the Blackhawks actually made it forty whole consecutive minutes giving a shit. They came out and scored on their first powerplay and then, with the help of a 5 minute Arizona game misconduct, scored two more powerplay goals. They also dominated in shots 16-6. What more really needs to be said?

The third period of this one just turned into a mere formality. The Blackhawks added their 6th goal, and gave up two late ones that did nothing but prevent a shutout. The one thing that the Blackhawks really needed to reel in was the three third period penalties, which helped lead to the 18-9 shot advantage in favor of Arizona. That's just sloppiness. A win against a team they should beat, without their top defender. We'll take it.

Shoutcast tomorrow, Blues on Thursday, and the MUTHA EFFING PUCKIN HOSTILE INVADES LUMBUS trip Saturday. If any of you will be there also, we'd love if stopped over to say hey.

The Good
  • Five minutes into the first period, regular healthy scratch #DickPanik found a loose puck in front of Louis Domingue. Good thing Joel Quenneville is keeping him well rested for the playoffs, eating the shrimp cocktail in the press box. Don't want to show off your secret weapon. Crazy like a fox, that Quenneville.
  • Just past the halfway point of the first period, and after killing off a short 5-on-3 powerplay, Jonathan Toews put a defensive clinic on for rookie Max Domi. He knocked the puck away and raced in on a shorthanded breakaway. Even with two guys on his ass, Toews was able to fake Domingue out of his jock and tuck the puck in behind him. All business.
  • Patrick Kane continued his torrid pace just over five minutes into the second period, on the powerplay. His bosom buddy, Artemi Panarin gave him a nice feed, and Kane picked apart Domingue.
  • Once most of the ass kicking was over, and the Yotes were beaten into submission, it was time for the 4th line to jump on the scoresheet. Marcus Kruger fed Andrew Desjardins
  • The Blackhawks penalty kill has been significantly better since the return of Marcus Kruger. Credit where it's due, he seems to make everyone on the PK better. The Blackhawks killed off all 6 penalties, in this game
  • Panarin is quickly climbing the scoring leaderboard with three straight three point games.

The Bad
  • Two minutes into the game and Richard Panik snuck in behind the Yotes defense looking like he'd have a breakaway, until the the rookie referee jumped right in his way. That got him a big boo from the crowd, as it should have. As we found out late, if he scored there, he could have been up for a hatty late in the game.

    But Quenneville will keep playing the Manshitter over Panik because #3CUPZ.
  • Dale Weise had a breakaway in the waning seconds of the second period, on a feed from Teuvo Teravainen, and Domingue finally made a save. Weise can't even buy some luck.
  • Of the four former Blackhawks now playing with Arizona, Vermette and Tikhonov both made the score sheet for earning penalties. Jiri Sekac (remember him?) got an assist on the terrible Connor Murphy goal.

The Ugly
  • Mid way through the second period Antoine Vermette hit Artem Anisimov awkwardly from behind. I know it was a dangerous hit, and worthy of a penalty, but I really don't feel that it was much more than a hockey play gone bad. I would also go as far as to say that the five minute penalty was sufficient, but as the rule book states, "Referee must also assess an automatic game misconduct if the major penalty for boarding resulted in an injury to the face or head". One might also say that the two power play goals by Van Riemsdyk and Ladd were also sufficient punishment. Lets all hope Anisimov's injury isn't lingering. Quenneville said after the game that he was day-to-day.
  • Scott Darling must have been bored as all hell in the third period, after facing only 13 shots, because he let up a goal that was about as soft as baby shit. The only real harm was to Darling's stats, so let it be.
  • Brad Richardson was able to score the Coyotes second goal of the game with just over 6 minutes remaining in the third. Svedberg was left to cover two Arizona forwards, in front of Darling, and they usually doesn't end well. Darling wasn't able to control the loose puck and Richardson chipped it over him.

The #Fatrick Stankus Fatsy Stats
  • This is my biggest point of contention with advanced analytics. Let me preface this by saying, I believe in a vast majority of the advanced possession analytics, BUT...

    On Sunday, when the Blackhawks looked like they didn't give a rats ass (and they didn't), I was told it was because of "score effects". Alright, what are score effects? This is a theory created by the analytics crowd that claims that if a team is down, they will try harder, and the winning team will conversely go into a shell. This would also suggest that the team that is losing really wasn't trying in the first place, but that is neither here nor there. How can you even diagnose these magic "score effects" you ask? When you don't want to admit your team just plain lost interest. It is a completely arbitrary and subjective term. Worse than even #HITZ.

    Lets just say, for the sake of argument, that this silliness is true, ok? How do you explain the Blackhawks out shooting the Yotes 16-6, with an already 2-0 lead in this game? Where are the "score effects" or, as I like to affectionately call it, #ScibityDibity? On Sunday they were out shot 21-12 because of these magic "score effects" floating around in the ether, or so I'm told. Score Effects! Sounds so fancy and official.

    Why can't it just be that a team stop caring and let their foot off the gas? Kiss my fat pasty white ass with that horsehit! Sometimes things cannot be explained with fucking numbers, graphs, or stupid ass terms. Sometimes SHIT JUST GOES WRONG, or as Dr. Peter Venkman best said it:
  • Screw everyone I've had enough advanced stats talk for one game.

The Lineblender
Ladd - Toews - Panik
Panarin - Anisimov - Kane
Mashinter - Teravainen - Weise
Desjardins - Kruger - Fleischmann

van Riemsdyk - Hjalmarsson
Svedberg - Seabrook
Gustafsson - Rozsival

oh hey, look, Highlights....

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