Sunday, April 2, 2017

Blackhawks vs Bruins
3-2 Loss Recap

"You Don't Know"

by Gatekeeper

The Boston Bruins were in town Sunday for the Blackhawks 2016-17 home finale, on NBC no less. These matinee games are both a blessing and curse. We get the game out of the way, and still have the day ahead of us, but people like #Fatrick actually have to roll out of bed before the crack of 2PM, which is a tall task for the Drunkasaurus. To add to the drama, Patrick Kane took a puck off the stick of Marian Hossa right in the yap, and had to go off for stitches. This caused a needless beat writer uproar, for about twenty minutes. As far as the game went, the Bruins backup goaltender, Anton Khudobin, was in net with Tuukka Rask taking the Sunday off.

Drawn by cartoonist Mike Spicer (@SpicerToon)

After all the Patrick Kane pregame fireworks, the Bruins came out and took an early lead before most of us wiped the sleep out of our eyes. They followed up by scoring a powerplay goal with under two minutes remaining. The rest of the period was incredibly boring, to be honest. Neither of the goals were anything special and the broadcast team had to resort to a plethora of inane fluff in an attempt to keep the TV audience interested. So, the opening period was forgettable to say the least, even thought the Blackhawks out shot the Bruins 16-11.

The second period was much like the first period, with few flashes of excitement. Joel Quenneville switched up the defense pairings to the "ol faithful" of Keith/Seabrook and Oduya/Hjalmarsson, which solidified things on the Hawks end of the ice some, but did little for the offense. Eventually, the Blackhawks were able to cut the Bruins lead on half really late, but that was basically all the offense we saw in the entire twenty minutes. The shots on net favored Boston slightly 12-11.

The Blackhawks left themselves a tall order in the third period, entering third period play down by a goal. The Bruins did the Hawks no help by adding a goal half way through the period, even though the Blackhawks chopped that lead back down to one, just 25 seconds after. Unfortunately for the home team, this is all the scoring we would see in this game, and a late Blackhawks flurry would fail, even though the Hawks out shot the Bruins 16-6 in the final frame. Not like the Blackhawks had much to play for anyway.

The Good
  • With just under two minutes remaining in the second period the Blackhawks cut the Bruins lead to one goal on a pretty odd goal. #DickFuckingPanik got tied up with Brandon Carlo and ended up going into the net behind Khudobin pretty hard. The puck eventually worked it's way to the stick of Artemi Panarin with a wide open net in front of him. Panarin actually beat Khudobin but hit Panik, who was over the goal line. This should have counted as the initial goal, but Panarin dunked the rebound just for good measure. He definitely owes Panik a public #McPology
  • Twenty five seconds after Kevan Miller increased the Bruins lead, the Blackhawks closed it back down, from and unlikely source. Jordin Tootoo. Cam Neely Jr, aka John Hayden, controlled the puck and fed Tootoo nicely from the corner. Tootoo was wide open and able to slam it home through Khudobin's 5-hole. That Tootoo has better 5-hole action than @PDNorton3. Of course, John Hayden has been invisible for 3 games and when he finally does something everyone is jumping in his jock to give him a handy. I like the kid too but, Jesus. Did everyone miss, on that same play, that Jordin Tootoo miraculously scored, too? Is he a legit sniper now too? Or is that praise only for rookies?
    This line played all less than 9:30, with Tootoo playing a team least 6:18. There is a reason for this.
  • Anton Khudobin had a great game. Saving 41 of 43 against the best team in the west, is very noteworthy.
  • It wasn't pretty but #DickFuckingPanik keeps adding to his scoring totals. At some point, the naysayers have to acknowledge his 22-21-43 as somewhat legit.

    Or keep the snarky comments coming, and look even more foolish.

The Bad
  • The Bruins drew first blood at the six and a half minute mark of the first period. The ancient Zdeno Chara just unleashed a pretty harmless shot on Corey Crawford, from the blue line, and Ryan Spooner redirected it over Crawford's glove. Not really a highlight reel goal, but it was really early for all of us, apparently.
  • As the Bruins opened the period, they closed the period. Just as Zdeno Chara stepped out of the penalty box, after serving his egregious penalty against Tanner Kero, Brad "The Rat" Marchand fed Patrice Bergeron, while changing the angle on net, for a clean one timer goal. Another goal that Crawford had a solid shot on.
  • Halfway through the third period, Boston plug Ke-VAN Miller waltzed through the Blackhawks defense and ripped a shot over Corey Crawford's glove to give the Bruins back a two goal lead. Who spells their name "K-E-V-A-N" anyway? Illiterate parents, that's who.
  • Late in the third period, Brad Marchand was one-on-one with noted muscle man Artemi Panarin, and Panarin ended up putting Marchand down on his ass.

The Ugly
  • I like Greg Wyshynski, I really honestly do, but I had enough of the whining because the Blackhawks happen to be good; often. In this day and age Blackhawks fans are actually supposed to #McPologize for being a successful franchise, I guess. Like Andrew Cieslak once said, If you are upset the Blackhawks are always good and always on TV, how about your your stupid franchise beats them and wins something. Otherwise, just shut the fuck up. Bunch of whiny, immature, jealous babies. They won't be good forever, and maybe not much longer, let us enjoy it while it's in progress.

The #Fatrick Stankus Fatsy Stats
  • Hjalmarsson, Keith, Hossa, Hartman and Kruger were the only Blackhawks with negative Corsi while Zdeno Chara, alone, was a -21.
  • That fatass quitter #SteadilyDecliningJonathanToews led the Blackahwks with a plus 17 Corsi, tied with Johnny Oduya.

The Lineblender
Left Wing - Center - Right Wing
Schmaltz - Toews - Panik
Panarin - Kero - Kane
Hartman - Kruger - Hossa
Hayden - Rasmussen - Tootoo

Keith - Hjalmarsson
Oduya - Seabrook
Campbell - van Riemsdyk


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