Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Blackhawks at Dallas
4-0 Shutout Loss Recap

"Merry F#%king Christmas"
by Gatekeeper

Here it is, Folks. The big one. The division leading, back-to-back off-season champion Dallas Stars. The Blackhawks rolled into Dallas with some bumps an bruises. Marian Hossa was out with an upper body injury, and the Hawks were still getting adjusted to the loss of 4th line center Marcus Kruger. The Stars had been whipping some NHL ass, coming into this one. Their record was 25-7-2 with 8 more points than our heroes, at 52. The Blackhawks road record was a paltry, almost putrid, 6-7-3. To drill things down even finer, Jamie Benn, Tyler Seguin, and Patrick Kane had themselves a fine little points race going on. They were 1-2-3 coming into the game, and 1-2-4 in the entire league goals. For those looking for that narrative, the Blackhawks were to face former Hawks cup winners Patrick Sharp, Johnny Oduya and Antti Niemi, while the Stars were sure to get a tepid dose of Ryan Garbutt. Probably just enough to remember why they don't miss him.

The pace of the first period as everything we were hoping for, but the scoring chances left alot to be desired. The Blackhawks were given two powerplays, but couldn't muster more than 3 shots total. The Stars actually had the majority of the few scoring chances that were generated. If I told you that these two teams would combined for 10 shots in the period, you would have told me to shut the hell up.

The second period showed a little more promise than the first, for both teams. The Stars got their power play "even up" calls, and they took advantage on one of said power plays. Believe it or not, the Blackhawks actually out shot the Stars by a pretty decent margin, 14-8, but all it took was one for the Stars to take a lead. This game was starting to give one the feeling of one of those "former teammate bites the hand that fed him" games, with the way Antti Niemi was playing, and guess what?

The third period was a fucking abortion. The Stars scored eleven seconds in and ran away with the game. The Blackhawks managed THREE lousy fucking shots in the third period, and a total of 20 overall. That will win you exactly no games. Now we all have to munch on this shit sandwich for 5 days.

The Good

The Bad
  • The two first period powerplays were just brutal. In fact, the Hawks gave up a pretty decent shorthanded chance to Jamie Benn, early on.
  • Ryan Garbutt and Andrew Desjardins had a pretty good second period 2-on-1 chance with one little problem, it was Garbutt and Desjardins. Not so much Garbutt, because he was able to get a good shot off and produce a rebound for Desjardins, who then put it right into a prone Antti Niemi.
  • Just eleven seconds into the third period, Patrick Sharp snuck in behind Duncan Keith and Jamie Benn was able to drop a pass in on Sharp's stick. After shooting on Crawford for years in practice, Sharp knew just where to deposit the puck. We miss you, Sharpie! Wish you didn't make so much damn cabbage.
  • Rob Scuderi took a puck in the beak, in the third period. That required some stitches.
  • Crawford was exposed pretty bad in this one, but it could have also been 6-0.

The Ugly
  • I can only hope that Quenneville found some warmth in that cold dead heart of his, when he started the 4th line, and Ryan Garbutt against his former team.
  • Halfway through the second period, Jason Spezza finally opened the scoring. Spezza worked a ice little one touch give-n-go with Patrick Sharp, and had Crawford dead to rights. Crawford actually covered the post pretty well, but the puck snuck through. I would have though that Spezza would have gone long side, but he didn't.
  • Antoine Roussel is a flaccid penis with ears. I may only hate one player more, and that is Steve "The Pirate" Ott. Fuck both of those guys in the bung with a sizzling soldering iron.
  • Just under three minutes after the Sharp goal, Colton Sceviour redirected a long Jordie Benn shot past Crawford, to give the Stars a 3-0 lead. Call me #TeamMiserable, but there is little chance you're going to come back against a team with this fire power, especially one that has scored the most 3rd period goals in the league.
  • The Blackhawks had pretty much just given up by the time Mattias Janmark used Michal Rozsival like the pylon he is, and banked the puck off him into the Blackhawks net.
  • The Blackhawks were shut out by the team ranked 17th in goals against. Let that sink in.
  • Hello, Trevor van Riemsdyk! Here is YOUR -3 for Christmas.
  • I'm so glad Brandon ManSHITTER dressed for 5:56. At this point the fact that he is actually paid a salary is fucking larceny. He should be forced to pay his way onto the rink like rat hockey players do. Can Q put an actual useful player on the ice, and knock this shit off?f
  • Speaking of useless sacks of shit:

The Lineblender
Teravainen - Toews - Shaw
Panarin - Anisimov - Kane
Bickell - Rasmussen - Mashinter
Desjardins - Danault - Garbutt

Keith - van Riemsdyk
Hjalmarsson - Seabrook
Rozsival - Scuderi


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