Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Blackhawks at Minnesota
5-3 Win Recap

"Paper Tiger"

by Gatekeeper

Not much time for the Blackhawks to gloat on their big win in Buffalo Sunday night, as they headed to Minnesota to face the ice hillbillies; otherwise known as the Wild. It has been made pretty evident that the Wild will be a pain in the Blackhawks' collective asses for the remainder of the regular seasons. Then bulbous Bruce Boudreau will face a coach that will completely out coach him for games 6 and 7 of a series, and we will all laugh heartily at them once again. For now, at least, this Wild team will continue to prove to be a proverbial thorn in the Blackhawks' side, which will also make those ice hillbillies utterly intolerable.

The Wild were not impressed by the visiting Blackhawks at all, and came at them hard to open the game. The Hawks had a couple of decent early chances but the Wild certainly had a majority of the quality scoring opportunities in the opening half of the period. The action seemed like an end to end race for a good portion of the play despite the Wild chances, but the Blackhawks eventually started to catch up in scoring chances in the later half of the first period. Luckily for both teams, their goalies were dialed in. The Hawks led in the first period shots on net 15-14, and it could have easily been 2-2, but the goaltenders kept it a scoreless game.

The Blackhawks took little time grabbing a lead early in the second period, doing so just a mere 60 seconds out of the intermission. The Wild were able to quickly regroup and tie the game, but the Blackhawks came right back and answered under a minute later. It was nice to see the Blackhawks look like they gave a wet rats ass, and the Wild didn't really know how to handle them, especially the newly coined #PTSDLine. The Blackhawks dominated the Wild in shots 13-5 and also led 2-1 going into the second intermission. There is nothing to complain about there, but you have to think the Wild weren't going to go down that easy.

Just as I said that, the Blackhawks immediately grabbed a 3-1 lead just thirty three seconds into the third period, and it seemed like they might run away with this game. Even though the Wild tied the game around the thirteen minute mark, the Blackhawks turned right around, again, to open the two goal lead right back up. The action wasn't done there, though, with the Wild almost cutting the lead again. Luckily the officials made the right call this time around, waving off a goal that was clearly scored with a high stick. There were still 10 minutes to play, though. I bring that up because the Wild continued to bring serious pressure and did finally cut the lead down to one goal with just over five minutes remaining. A late flurry was narrowly averted by the Hawks even though they were out shot 13-11, and the inevitable empty net goal sealed the deal.

The Good
  • Jonathan Toews gave the Blackhawks a 1-0 lead just one minute into the second period. Brian Campbell let a long shot from the blue line go, into traffic, and into the Wild defender Dumba. The puck dropped into the crease for El Capitan shoveled into the net. Nice to see that fat ass slacker increasing his trade value, so they can trade him for something that will never equate his value, and appease the asshole meatball collective.
  • El Capitan then answered the Wild power play goal by feeding #DickFuckingPanik, just 41 seconds later. Toews out worked two lackadaisical Wild defenders and Panik found a soft spot in the slot. As we've grown to love, Panik can let a snap shot go as good as anyone. Goal number 16 and point number 30 for #DickFuckingPanik. As Terry Boers used to say, MY GUY! I might have missed on the success, or lack thereof, for Michal Kempny but I nailed the hell out of Panik. He has more than filled the hole left by the overpriced head case Andrew Shaw. Mock Richard Panik all you'd like, and many have, but 35+ points from a guy that was acquired in a throw-a-way deal is phenomenal. Bowman really clowned Toronto on this one, right Stan?
  • Thirty three seconds into the third period, Nick Schmaltz gave the Blackhawks a 3-1 lead. Jonathan Toews won a clean faceoff to Schmaltz, who wasted little time getting a shot off through a screen. Dubnyk never saw the shot and suddenly the red light was flashing.
  • Less than two minutes after the Zack Parise goal, the #PTSDLine was at it again. Nick Schmaltz made a beautiful reverse pass, while going behind the net, to Jonathan Toews and El Capitan poked it past a surprised and clueless Devan Dubnyk.
  • It wasn't pretty but El Capitan was able to finish the hat trick, and fifth point of the night with an empty net goal. Surprised that Toews' fat, lazy, overrated ass could manage that one, right intarwebz experts?
  • Future slam dunk hall of famer Joel Quenneville got his 400th Blackhawks win. Props to Q. As frustrating as he can be, we're lucky to have him.
  • I was really impressed with Nick Schmaltz's puck control, skating and confidence in this game. There were a few spots where I was shocked at how impressive he looked. I have been pretty hard on the kid but, especially in the seconds period, he looked great. That said, the entire #PTSDLine gave the Wild absolute fits.

The Bad
  • Just over six minutes into the second period, the Wild turned a Blackhawks penalty into the game tying goal. Corey Crawford make a couple of excellent saves, including one on a redirect. Not only that, but Duncan Keith basically shot the rebound back at Crawford, which he ALSO saved. Mikael Granlund was then able to finally push the third try past Corey Crawford to tie the game. This wouldn't last long, though.
  • With just over 13 minutes left in the third period, a long wide Marco Scandella shot was redirected by Zack Parise about 10 feet in front of Crawford and ended up in the net. You can point towards a failed Blackhawks powerplay just a few minutes earlier as the catalyst for this goal.
  • A few minutes after Jonathan Toews gave the Blackhawks back a 2 goal lead, the Wild looked like them might have cut the lead to one goal again but the officials waved it off with a clear high stick.
  • Patrick Kane led the Blackhawks with 6 shots on net, and walked away with nary a point.
  • Right towards the end of the first period, Edzo was complaining that a backhand cross ice pass from Panarin to Kane wasn't hard enough, even though it ended up right in Kane's wheelhouse. Must be nice in that perfect little world his mind is sitting in.

The Ugly
  • A Tanner Kero penalty late in the third, turned into a Wild powerplay goal. Once again the Wild had cut the lead to just one goal. The Blackhawks penalty kill left much to be desired while failing to clear yet another great Corey Crawford save and gave up goals on 2 of 3 Wild powerplays.
  • The Blackhawks defense looks like a steaming pile of cow dung in the last 3/4 of the third period, leaving their goaltender hung out to dry several times. It looked like a free for all, but they were able to eventually keep from totally pissing themselves.
  • While I'm on the subject, To anyone who entertained the thought of trading Jonathan Toews, this is for you dumb assholes:

The #Fatrick Stankus Fatsy Stats
  • The third line was not good at all. Marian Hossa had a bad turnover and they just had a bad night overall. They were the only forwards with negative plus/minus.
  • Toews and Panik led the possession numbers, as you might expect.
  • Even thought Jonathan Toews won a key faceoff that led to a goal, they were under 45% as a team.

The Lineblender
Left Wing - Center - Right Wing
Schmaltz - Toews - Panik
Panarin - Anisimov - Kane
Rasmussen - Kruger - Hossa
Hartman - Kero - Hinostroza

Keith - Hjalmarsson
Kempny - Seabrook
Campbell - van Riemsdyk

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Blackhawks vs. Sabres
5-1 Win Recap

"Aces High"

By Patrick Norton

While they lost their five game win streak with a loss to the Edmonton Oilers on Saturday, the Blackhawks could salvage the weekend with a Sunday evening matchup on the road in upstate New York. The KeyBank Center in the heart of downtown Buffalo was home to tonight’s #HockeyDayInAmerica showdown on NBCSN between two non-conference, non-rival, and unevenly matched teams. I mean, they’re the Sabres. They have Eichel and the brother of some dude on Saad’s line. Anyways, this somehow made a national broadcaster, but it didn’t receive the A-Team broadcasters. We’ll discuss that bit later.

The first period provided a rocky start - what else is new? - for the Blackhawks, but no matter the mistakes the skaters made, #LemontNativeScottDarling was there to rescue his teammates. Ryan Hartman lit the lamp early on and the Blackhawks livened up a bit. Suddenly, puck possession was a Blackhawks tradition that couldn’t be broken. Robin Lehner somehow was keeping his squad in the game, but all momentum found residence on the away team bench. Darling made the saves and all seemed well just seconds from heading into the locker room with a one goal lead after one. But we can’t have nice things, so after the refusal to clear their own end, a turnover occurred and one thing led to another. We all know how this one ends. A crappy goal to end a period to suck the life out of the Hawks. Perfect.

Evander Kane’s goal did not leave a lasting impact. The Hawks went right back to work in the second. Sure, goals seemed harder to come by, but with the blazing pace the Hawks had, it was surely only a matter of time. Ta Da! Marian Hossa and Jonathan Toews tacked on late period tallies and the defense ya know...defended in the final seconds of the period and the Hawks had a commanding grasp on this one.

For good measure, Anisimov deflected in a Patrick Kane shot to increase the lead to three and Kane cut himself a slice of the cake when he undressed Lehner to finish of an offensive gem for the Blackhawks. The road win streak carries on to six. HEADLINE: Kane, Blackhawks cause mayhem in Buffalo. Too soon? Hawks 5, Sabres 1.

The Good

  • Just about everything.
  • Patrick Kane’s goal made Ben Bishop shit his pants from thousands of miles away. It really doesn’t get much better than that. 
  • Don’t forget about the setup, though. Panarin’s patience in feeding the puck to Kane grew as the game went on and boy, did it pay dividends. Panarin drew THREE Sabre defenders and shimmied a pass across the offensive zone to a wide open Kane. How many times do we have to say it? Don’t leave Patrick Kane alone in Buffalo.
  • Hossa and Toews are really deteriorating rapidly, eh? *insert middle finger emoji*
  • Highly underrated in this game was the Blackhawks PK. They killed off a 5-on-3 in the first period and made it look easy. 
  • It sucks that the outcome will likely come from another team, but damn, Scott Darling is going to get PAID! Deservedly so, too. One goal allowed on twenty-seven shots faced. Pretty good for a goalie who hasn’t played too much.
  • The defense did their job very well for 59:55 of tonight’s game. Not much to complain about. Even Michal Kempny did pretty well. 
  • Instead of watching the final five minutes of the game, I enjoyed a wonderful meal consisting of a strip steak, not one, but TWO baked potatoes, and some asparagus. A delicious meal made on the grill tonight. This weather was fantastic. I cleaned the garage, I ran errands, and grilled. I hope everybody with similar weather was able to enjoy it, too. 

The Bad

  • Ryan Hartman grabbed his knee and writhed in pain momentarily on the bench. I didn’t really follow up, so I would imagine he’s okay.
  • I wasn’t too fond of the broadcasting crew. At least the doctor wasn’t in the house tonight. 

The Ugly

  • The defense simply had a mental lapse in the final ten seconds of period one. The point is mute after the big victory, so I don’t even remember who was on the ice, but not every team is like the Sabres. A lot of other teams wouldn’t have fumbled the momentum handed to them at a period’s end. Be better.

Short and sweet tonight, just like Gate. Enjoy your President’s Day and if you can, take a step outside. No hockey worth watching tomorrow, so you’re going to have to find something to do. That is, unless you sleep all day like a wild nocturnal Fatrick. Alright, alright, alright, that’s all, I swear.

Thanks for being a fun bunch, Hostile readers. 

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Blackhawks vs Oilers
3-1 Loss Recap

"Beginning of Sorrow"

by Gatekeeper

The Blackhawks returned to the ice after a five day NHL mandated bye week, Saturday night. Based on the past records of teams coming off their bye week (3-10-3), we were not to expect much from this tilt, which is not exactly ideal for the Blackhawks. They were red hot before the break, and five days off is no way to keep that momentum up. Aside from that, Blackhawks veteran Brent Seabrook was suiting up for his 900th NHL game, which moved him into 7th in Blackhawks history. He will move up to 6th, passing Dennis Hull, when he plays his 904th. Congrats to the big guy. That wasn't the only milestone in this one, though.

Much to my surprise the Hawks looked well rested and alert in the first period. Of course a couple of powerplays helped, but they had a jump in their step and peppered the Oilers for a majority of the first period. The Oilers didn't get a legitimate scoring chance until the period was well over halfway expired; in fact, the Oilers has a grand total of only four shots on net, while the Blackhawks amassed twelve. The only really bad part was the penalty that the Blackhawks took with four seconds remaining.

The second period looked a little more like what we all expected for the opening frame. The Oilers took a 1-0 lead on an utterly stupid goal, and the Blackhawks ran around for a good portion of the period. The Blackhawks also played very sloppy at times, which had Corey Crawford clawing for his own sanity. It's really disheartening how many times the Blackhawks have played one really good period and turned right around to lay an egg. The period ended with the Blackhawks getting 16 shots on net to 9 shots for the Oilers, but the Oilers lone goal had the Hawks playing from behind going into the third period.

The Oilers came out in the third and took a 2-1 lead, after the Blackhawks failed on yet another powerplay, which was the theme for the night. That would prove to be all the Oilers would need to win, in this one. The Hawks out shot the Oilers for the third straight period, 11-9, and were able to break the shutout but they eventually fell short 3-1. When you out shoot a team 39-22, you need to win.

The Good
    The Captain Double Dick line had a pretty decent night out there. I've been hard on Schmaltz, but he's finally looking like an actual useful NHL player. He was getting way too many undue accolades early on. #DickFuckingPanik scored his 15th goal of the year, on a nice give and go with the El Capitan. Don't say I didn't warn you. Panik is going to easily hit the 35 point mark, I predicted, if he can simply get 6 points in his final 24 games. The Jonathan Toews assist was his 600th NHL point.
  • I'm not really the biggest Cam Talbot fan but that Ghostbusters mask he has is slick as hell. That said, he had a helluva night.

The Bad
  • Artem Anisimov turned the puck over to Ryan Nugent-Hopkins late in the first period, while on the powerplay, and had to really be crafty to strip RNH from behind without giving up a goal or taking a penalty.
  • Andrew Desjardins had a team low 6:29 of time on ice. I have a feeling that John Jaeckel's assumption that Michael Latta could be replacing Desjardins soon could be a very real possibility, in a hurry.
  • The Blackhawks powerplay had some pressure but they could not get shots through to the net to save their lives, which makes the powerplay suck immensely. Too much talent to be going 0-3.
  • Lauren Magiera is just super awkward for these WGN games. I'm not sure why they have her out there floundering, but Frankenberry Roan would be much better. Everything she says sounds like she's confused, and she not sure what she's talking about. Combine her with Steve Konroyd and you have the most bland, confusing intermission show possible. But, hey...

The Ugly
  • Tanner Kero damn near had his head taken clean off by Eric Gryba at center ice. Luckily Kero was not injured on the hit but Ryan Hartman went after Gryba and earned himself 17 minutes in penalties "defending the honor of his teammate". Kero then got his clock cleaned once again, after the powerplay, as well. He is going to end up eating his meals through a straw, at this point, if he doesn't protect himself better.
  • Speaking of the powerplay to follow, Matt Benning threw the puck to the net and Trevor van Riemsdyk, who was the only player in that entire section of the ice, had a wonderful deflection off his skate and into the Hawks net. Corey Crawford certainly wasn't expecting his own defenseman to kick the puck into his own net, yet there was the amazing TVR. Why the fuck would you kick at a puck going through you crease like that? There was absolutely no other place that puck was going once van Riemsdyk stuck his skate out.
  • Milan Lucic fucking sucks! For a player that will be making $6 million for the next six years, he's the worst. If I didn't know better, I would have thought he was either hurt or scratched. Not so. He got a gift goal in the third, when Michal Kempny tripped over his own two feet which gave Lucic enough time to beat Corey Crawford five hole. He still sucks.
  • The United Center crowd was absolutely dead as hell most of the night. Not that the Hawks gave them much to make a fuss about but, shit, act like you care. Well, except for these fucking guys...

The #Fatrick Stankus Fatsy Stats
  • The Hawks won an incredible 65% of their faceoffs, and Jonathan Toews won 19 of 24 by himself.
  • Based on the inflated shot advantage, the Hawks overall Corsi for number was 83 to the Oilers 40.
  • Kane, Toews, Panarin and Keith possession numbers were all grossly in the positive to the tune of +18, +26, +27, and +18.

The Lineblender
Left Wing - Center - Right Wing
Schmaltz - Toews - Panik
Panarin - Anisimov - Kane
Hartman - Kero - Hossa
Rasmussen - Kruger - Desjardins

Keith - Hjalmarsson
Kempny - Seabrook
Campbell - van Riemsdyk

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Puckin Hostile Shoutcast
Episode 76

In this 76th Puckin Hostile Shoutcast (the Pernell Karl "PK" Subban episode) Gatekeeper, Fatrick, and Norton go the losers route on Valentines day, as each other's dates.

The jagtastic asshattery includes:
-Gate is back from Seattle and Vancouver
-A new iTunes review (probably Norton's mom)
-Stupid bye week has everyone sitting on their asses doing nothing. Not a perfect time for the Hawks either
-Claude Julien was fired and hired, and might have Lindy Ruff right behind him.
-Tim Horton's sucks
-Hawks played some games vs the Coyotes, Stars, Wild Jets, and Oilers
-Some late listener questions
-And of course, as always, an abundance of extremely inappropriate references and jokes in incredibly bad taste

You can find the episode on iTunes by following this link: iTunes

Get the Shoutcast directly though Soundcloud here:

For all your custom jersey needs visit Black and Tan Sports at:

Sunday, February 12, 2017

Blackhawks at Oilers 5-1 Win Recap

"Break Stuff" 

by Patrick Stankus

On the eve of their bye week, the Blackhawks headed up to Edmonton to take on the Oilers, who themselves were coming off of their bye week tonight. The Hawks came into tonight's game riding the momentum of a four game winning streak, something that was desperately needed after the inconsistency leading up to the All-Star break. For the Hawks, it was Scott Darling getting the nod in net, as Corey Crawford was given the night off following last night's win in Winnipeg. With five days off looking them in the face, tonight had the potential to be one of those famous trap games that always end up so well. Luckily for us, we have Steve Konroyd to point that out, and the other obvious things five hundred times tonight. With Norton being a late scratch for the recap, and Gate busy sucking maple syrup out of trees in Canada (literally, see Twitter), you guys are getting one more #FatCap before the bye week. My apologies.

The Hawks came out of the gate looking every bit like a team that had played the night before and faced a decent amount of travel. Early on the Oilers took advantage of that, and less than five minutes in, the Hawks were in a 1-0 hole. The goal horn at Rogers Place must have served as an alarm clock for the Hawks. Shortly after the Oilers goal, the Hawks responded with two goals in under five minutes to give themselves a 2-1 lead and stun the Oilers. Despite the two goals, the Hawks were out shot by the Oilers in the period by a 12-8 margin. Thankfully, the Lemont native kept the Oilers off the board for the rest of the period, and the Hawks headed into the intermission up 2-1.

Unlike the first period, the Hawks came out strong to start the second period. Actually as the period went on, they blew the doors off the Oilers. Looking like a well oiled machine, the Hawks clamped down on the Oilers and limited them to just six shots, none of which were of great quality. As the Hawks controlled the pace of the game, they kept the action down in the Oilers zone throughout the period. Just before the midway point, TVR added a goal to increase the Hawks lead to 3-1. The Hawks were not done though. #DickFuckingPanik added another goal for good measure to give the Hawks a three goal lead heading into the third period.

For the third period, the Oilers made a change in net, thinking that would somehow spark a team that had cement legs thinking they were still on a bye. Shockingly, it didn't work. Aside from a couple of chances here and there, the Oilers couldn't generate much. Scott Darling withstood all the shots thrown at him, thirteen in all, and preserved the Hawks lead. To add salt to the wound, Artem Anisimov added another goal to increase the lead to 5-1. Finally as the minutes were beginning to wind down, the game just didn't seem like it wanted to end. We were even treated to a fight between noted enforcers Vinnie Hinostroza and Ryan Nugent-Hopkins! Eventually the horn sounded, and the Hawks left Edmonton 5-1 winners. Now its onto the much loved BYE WEEK!!! See you all next Saturday. Oh shit, never mind, just because the Hawks are on a bye, that doesn't mean we are. That's right this upcoming week is a PUCKIN' HOSTILE SHOUTCAST WEEK folks! Enjoy.

The Good
  • TVR scored his third goal on the season in the second period. Most noteworthy about the goal is, it moved him past Michal Kempny's goal total on the season. That's how stats work right? You damn well knew this was coming as the first point in the good.
  • Shoutout to our man @Wm_J_LePetomane for bringing this one up again. Remember when everyone was laughing at Gate and I for saying #DickFuckingPanik would score fifteen goals? Well tonight the DickMan added two more goals to bring his total to fourteen. So by all means laugh it up meatballs. 
  • Speaking of the meatballs. Remember all the trade Toews talk? He notched two assists tonight. You'd think a guy who was playing through an injury would get a little more slack.
  • Patrick Kane had a three point night. His goal came of the fancy side too. He managed to bank  the puck off a sprawling Cam Talbot in the crease from behind the net. It was impressive. Its okay to admit that.
  • I've been critical of Dick Schmaltz this year, but I will admit, since his call up from Rockford, he's been a lot better. Tonight was another example. Now if he could only drop that dopey frat boy look.
  • For the second night in a row, Brent Seabrook had a solid game on the blueline. He also tallied an assist.
  • The power play had a perfect night. They went two for two, while the penalty kill went two for two as well.
  • Scott Darling had an excellent night in net for the Hawks. He stopped thirty of thirty-one shots en route to the win.
  • The Hawks finished up their six game Ice Show Trip by taking ten out of a possible twelve points. I think everyone with a brain will take that, but you damn well know there's one asshole out there that will complain about the loss in San Jose. I'm guessing its Derek. 

The Bad
  • There wasn't much to bitch about tonight with the Hawks, other than their start to the game. Frankly it was kind of expected after playing last night in Winnipeg. Credit to them though, they weathered the storm, and answered Edmonton's goal less than two minutes later.
  • Alright, I lied. I'm going to get picky. The Hawks got their asses handed to them at the face off dot tonight; 43% to 57%.
  • Niklas Hjalmarsson looked every bit like Michal Kempny on defense on Patrick Maroon's goal.
  • The Vinnie Hinostroza fight with Ryan Nugent-Hopkins was adorable to watch. If you're wondering what it would be like to see Gate fight, there it is.
  • I miss watching Hawks/Oilers games from Rexall Place. There was just something special about having the camera on the wrong side behind the benches that was so appealing. Somethings just shouldn't change.

The Ugly
  • Well the bye week couldn't come at a worse time for the Hawks. Winners of their last five games and now they get to sit for five days. Awesome. Talk about a momentum killer. All you have to do is look at the Oilers tonight. They were coming off their bye week. What's strange is next Saturday the Hawks take on the Oilers, at home, on Hockey Night In Canada, while coming off a bye week.
  • And because one reader suggested this; can you believe the Oilers traded Taylor Hall for Adam Larsson, who was a team worst -2 tonight for the Oilers?
  • I got nothing else that's ugly in the game, so here's a pic of Gate. 
  • Scary huh?