Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Puckin Hostile Shoutcast
Episode 57


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In this 57th Puckin Hostile Shoutcast, the Trevor van Riemsdyk episode, the band is back together for this cruel, cruel summer.

The group discuss the following:
-More talk about the The Puckin Hostile Store, and designs.
-Some more LetterKenny Problems talk
-Lightning, Penguins, Sharks and Blues all move on the the conference finals.
-Bruce Boudreau, Guy Boucher, Marc Crawford, Mike Johnston, and John Chayka all get new jobs
-Dale Tallon, Tom Rowe, Dave Tippet and Darryl Sutter all made news with organizational moves.
-John Madden, Bob Hartley both fired.
-Some player transactions including Jaromir Jagr, Travis Hamonic, Erik Gudbranson, and Drake Caggiula
-A little bit of IIHF World Championships talk.
-Blackhawks talk including an undisclosed injury, award nominees, a prospect signing, and the talk of some possible future signings.
-The great Trevor Daley debate.
-Does #DickPanik = Marian Hossa?
-More listener questions.
-And of course, as always, an abundance of inappropriate references and jokes in incredibly bad taste.

You can find the episode on iTunes by following this link (you may need to update your subscription): iTunes

Get the Shoutcast on Soundcloud here:


For all your custom jersey needs visit Black and Tan Sports at:

http://www.facebook.com/BlackAndTanSports

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Puckin Hostile Shoutcast
Episode 56


Please note that you may have to unsubscribe and re-subscribe, through iTunes or your specific Podcast app.

In this 56th Puckin Hostile Shoutcast, the Marko Dano season wrap-up episode, the boys got at it one man down (or %10 lighter), with the Canadian import working hard for the looney. We pay tribute to the Blackhawks season, as well as a few members of the Hawks Blogsphere moving on.

This wonderful photo graced us:

The group discuss the following:
-More talk about the The Puckin Hostile Store, and designs.
-The successful Shoutcast move to Soundcloud.
-Stephen Burtch live tweets with #Fatrick, as we record, and confirms for a fact that he is a humorless ball bag.
-Brooks Orpik is a piece of trash, but Kris Letang gets nothing for crosscheck to the head.
-Leafs win the draft lottery.
-Bruce Boudreau fired in Anaheim.
-Blackhawks looking overseas for roster positions.
-Blackhawks organizational roster moves.
-The remainder of the Blackhawks playoffs games, before bowing out to St. Louis
Some LetterKenny Problems talk
-More listener questions.
-And of course, as always, an abundance of inappropriate references and jokes in incredibly bad taste.

You can find the episode on iTunes by following this link (you may need to update your subscription): iTunes

Get the Shoutcast on Soundcloud here:


For all your custom jersey needs visit Black and Tan Sports at:

http://www.facebook.com/BlackAndTanSports

Friday, April 29, 2016

A Proper
2015-16 Chicago Blackhawks
Goodbye


by Gatekeeper

Since I walked away from this year's Puck Daddy Blackhawks Eulogy feeling completely unfulfilled (insert joke here), I thought I'd throw something together in typical Puckin Hostile fashion. This, folks, is how you properly roast the Blackhawks. And please save your defensive comments. This is a roast style eulogy, not a memorial. Have a sense of humor.


Fans / Former Fans / Tone Deaf Management / League Men In Black / People who aimlessly stumbled in thinking this was an AA meeting,

We gather here today, to mourn the sudden and untimely loss of the Uncle Gary's very special little boys (some more "special" than others). The NHL's most recent crown jewel and show piece. The proverbial NEO and Anakin Skywalker of the NHL. They were supposed to be the chosen ones! The Dynasty! Uncle Gary said so!

Where did it go wrong? Like an episode of Intervention, they started out as beautiful wide eyed babies. They were the "perfect babies", growing up in the perfect near west side crack shanty, with a faded yellow tinged fence, speckled with blood. Who could have guessed it would all spiral down into tragedy? Uncle Gary gave them everything! He fixed playoff series for years. He trained the officials to look the other way. He forced the hockey world to endure not 1, but FOUR insufferable outdoor games. And if all of that wasn't enough for all the petulant whining fans of the other 29 teams, Uncle Gary vowed to torture us with yet another outdoor game in the stinky, unbleached bunghole of America (St. Louis), next January. Every young child's dream. In return, the Blackhawks chose to stick the needle in their arm.

Isn't there some way that we could bring Joel and Stan's beautiful child back to us? What is Papa John McDonough going to think of the loss of his grandbaby?

The very best interventionist's suggest that we write letters to our beloved addicts, to tell them how their addiction has affected our lives. That might be out best course of action, so here goes:

Young #Kaner, You sleazy little dope.

::cough::
excuse me, sorry.
::cough::

You came to us with such promise. Your empty vapid smile and atrocious attempt at a mullet lit up our world every April. You put together one of the best single regular seasons in Blackhawks history. But you overshadowed this with your dark passenger. Loudmouth soup and your incessant need to chase trixie bar strange dun turned you stupid, boy. You willingly jammed that golden spoon that we handed you in Columbus Ohio nine years ago straight up your ass. Just to see if you could get away with it. We do recognize, though, that you've been grooming yourself for a very successful post playing career profession...

wearing an orange jump suit.


Shawzy,

You pock faced little meatball hero. It will probably be sad to see you donning that #65 in Edmonton next fall, where no one will see you, and it will be equally sad that you will somehow net the Blackhawks Andrew Ference in return. You took one in the chops for the cup and we will be forever grateful for this. And...We will (kind of) mourn your actual death when they put you down like Old Yeller, after you take a horrendous late third period cross checking penalty costing the Erlers a playoff berth and then call the referee a "f@#$%t".
Coach Q(uestionmark),

You peanut butter, nut grabbing, bull headed, old grey bastard. You have relentlessly trolled the fan base since 2010 with your you cutesy little lineup shenanigans like #leshfregs, Scott/Montador/Brookbank at forward, Bollig/Manshinter/Carcillo over anybody with a pulse and a fraction of a brain, Christobal Huet at all, Nick Leddy sitting in the playoffs, so forth and so on. You got away with it, though. You may be the luckiest son of a bitch in NHL coaching history. Your insistence on playing daddy dominatrix with young players has, no doubt, stalled a few young careers, as you beat them down like puppies that have pissed on the carpet until they developed PTSD. Hide behind those #3CUPZ, though. Like any other old casino junkie, the luck will run its course, if it hasn't already. If Jeremy Morin doesn't pull a "Danny McGrath" on you first, that is.


Sweet Soft Spoken Momma Bowman,

You are the loyal battered wife of this organization. You sneak out during the afternoon with Dad's old rotten disgusting Scuderi, bring home something nice and shiny, like a Christian Ehrhoff. How does dad show you his appreciation? He gets drunk, throws it through the front window, douses it in gasoline in the front lawn and lights it ablaze while you're screaming, "No Joel, NO! I did it for YOU! I love you!" for the whole neighborhood to see. Classic love story. Names like Dale Weise, Antoine Vermette, Tomas Fleischmann, and Nick Leddy wake you in the middle of the night with night terrors. You cook daddy Q a four course meal, he spits it in a napkin, walks out the door and spends the rest of his night at the local pub with his hand on some drunken pub floozy's ass. Yet, There you are standing between Grandpa McDonough and Daddy Quenneville the next morning, with a big smile on your face, eating that fat juicy shit sandwich on the news like Hillary Clinton in 1998. You're what the professionals, in the biz, call an ENABLER. No wonder you've aged 30 years since 2008.

Garret Ross,

Who?

Oh, THAT guy.

Direct decedent of another historic American figure, Betsy? Christ, I hope not. Got yourself bailed out of a little pickle, there, didn't ya, slick? Leave it up to the state of Michigan to jump in muck things up, just like the old days. How everyone let your fist pumping bald broski McNasty (how appropriate is that nickname?) off the hook is mind numbing. Well, maybe not exactly...
I hope you enjoy next fall in Binghamton. I'm sure the Tinder playing field is much more expansive than Rockford Illinois. Keep on swiping the good swipe, Kiddo. Based on that mugshot, you'll need the help.


Brent...Nacho Seabre,

My boy! The man that, apparently, never met an "all you can eat" buffet that he didn't like. You better find one of those lines full of more #FruitAndCrap before you turn into our version of Dan Girardi. Did you take nutrition advice from your former buffet line buddy, Dustin Flufflien? Just a touch of advice for your off season? Join a gym; because if the last season is any barometer of the future, you're going to be bailing out a lot of teammates and looking at the back of opponent's jerseys for the next...

Lets look this up...

Oh Jesus!

EIGHT YEARS




That about covers this emotionally exhausting season. It came to a merciful end and, quite frankly, this team didn't deserve a better fate. They were slightly above average all season, with a flicker of brilliance. That does not win Stanley Cups. Being a red hot, very good team does. Getting knocked down only to get back up again is what this team was built on.

Now, back to your fucking jobs, ya god damn boobs!

Monday, April 25, 2016

PLAYOFFS: Blackhawks at St. Louis
Game 7 3-2 Loss
Season Ending Recap

"Killswitch Not Engaged"

by Gatekeeper

Who thought we'd be watching a game 7, Monday night in St. Louis. I certainly HOPED that the Blackhawks could pull off the comeback, but who could honestly EXPECT a team to look so terrible and then magically turn it around, again? It is not something that even seems to be a reasonable expectation. Here we were, though. Against the Blackhawks most hated rival. With a chance to drive a stake deep into their hearts. The question is, will they be able to finish their dastardly deed? Live from St. Louis, the Blackhawks and the Blues...

To say the Blackhawks came out a little flat in the first period was a bit of an understatement. The slow start may have had something to do with the actual FALSE start, due to some faulty glass that broke loose just seconds into the game and forced both teams to stand around yanking their cranks for over 5 minutes. We'll never really know, but it should not go without being noted. As far as play went, Once again, the official scorer was sniffing glue, because they claimed that the Blackhawks had no giveaway and they out shot the Blues 11-9, even though they were down 2-1.


The real Blackhawks came out for the second period and sent the cheap first period imitations home for the night. From the puck drop, the Hawks showed just why they were able come back from a 1-3 deficit to tie this series. The Blackhawks surgically drew a powerplay and then tied the game. This period, the "official" shots actually reflected the play, with the Blackhawks leading 13-12. How else would we go into the third period of game 7 than tied?

Looks like maybe half the imitations snuck their way back for the third period. The Blackhawks could not find a way to get that final goal they needed to move on. The Blues did score that goal, by none other than the guy brought in to be a Hawks killer, Troy Brouwer. That was the only goal and the proverbial dagger in the Blackhawks hearts. Final score, Blues 3 - Blackhawks 2. On to the golf course for the Indianhead.

I cannot finish this without thanking both the new fans and all the long time fans that take the time out to read our bullshit each game, and listen to our stupid potty mouthed podcast. Sincerely, without the fans, there is literally no reason for us to do these things. Have no fear, people, there will still be content and Shoutcasts all summer. As long as you keep coming back, we'll keep them coming. THANK YOU!

Lets also give a hearty thank you to the other stooges: Pat, Derek and Bryan. This site and team grows stronger every year. No matter what obstacles get dropped in our path.



The Good
  • Very late in the first period, an innocent and patient neutral zone play by #DickPanik led to the first Blackhawks goal. Panik held the puck long enough for Marian Hossa to pick up steam coming off the bench and hit Hossa's tape with a rink wide pass. Hosss wasted no time crossing the blue line and lining up a half clapper. Brian Elliott, ye of stellar glove, whiffed on the shot and the Blackhawks were back in the game, just that easy.
  • Shortly into the second period, the Blackhawks earned a penalty and wasted little time capitalizing. Andrew Shaw took the puck on the goal line extended, and threw the puck through the crease. The puck deflected off Jay Bouwmeester's leg and past Brian Elliott.
  • Despite his 3rd period penalty, #DickPanik was a really nice surprise to this lineup all postseason.
  • This Corey Crawford was the biggest reason this game wasn't 5-2, and these saves were incredible:

    And don't forget this one:


The Bad
  • With about 6 minute remaining in the first period, the Blackhawks went down 2-0. The got trapped deep in their end, AGAIN. They tried to sneak a line change in, and ended up running around. Patrik Berglund set the table for big gun Colton Parayko, and Parayko unleashed a laser that beat Corey Crawford. David Rundblad was an enormous help as he not only stood and watched the shot beat Crawford, but he allowed Alex Steen to stand in front of his goalie to screen him and attempt to redirect the shot. I can totally see what he brings to the team.
  • Halfway through the the third period, the Blackhawks got spun around and ended up leaving Troy Brouwer wide open in their crease. He was able to take two whacks at the puck before he finally cashed in on the third chance.
  • Brent Seabrook had a prime chance to tie the game with around 3 minutes remaining and blasted a shot off both posts.

The Ugly
  • After St. Louis Blues took a solid 5 minutes to fix some glass problems, just 26 seconds into the game, the Blackhawks got pinned deep. Duncan Keith and Brent Seabrook failed more than a few times to clear the puck out. Eventually, the puck made its way to Jay Bouwmeester who uncorked a long clapper. Jori Lehtera got a piece of the shot about 10 feet in front of Crawford, and it was 1-0 with only a minute gone in the game. Swell.
  • Whoever told me that David Rundblad played good in game 6 because we didn't notice him, needed to watch this game. Rundblad took an absolute physical beating, was taken advantage of badly nearly every other shift, and was a total rotten apple.

The Lineblender
Panik - Toews - Kane
Panarin - Anisimov - Teravainen
Ladd - Kruger - Hossa
Desjardins - Shaw - Weise

Keith - Rundblad
Gustafsson - Seabrook
Hjalmarsson - van Riemsdyk

Saturday, April 23, 2016

PLAYOFFS: Blackhawks vs Blues
Game 6 6-3 Win Recap

"Controlled Demolition"

by Gatekeeper

It seems like just a few hours ago that Patrick Kane ended game 5 in double overtime, and the series was pushed to a game 6 back in Chicago. I cannot say that I was much more confident going into this game 6 than I was two nights previous. The Blues were still dominating the Blackhawks in most significant categories and the Blackhawks simply could not hold a damn lead. If they were going to win games 6 and 7 it was going to be on a wing and a prayer, and if they were going to go down, it damn well better be fighting and clawing.

So, about that fighting and clawing thing. The Blackhawks must have missed that in the pregame meeting. Even though they came out early and took a quick 1-0 lead, they then proceeded to cough up 3 straight goals which sucked every bit of air out of the United Center. After those three goals, the Blackhawks looked completely lost and emotionless, which really didn't leave room for much hope. Shots were 11-9 in favor of the Blues, but I'd be shocked if the Blackhawks truly had 9. They finished the period like a team with no heart.

As disgusted as we all were after the first period, the Blackhawks reeled us all back in second period. They actually looked like they cared about continuing their playoff run, and came out like their beards were on fire. They not only tied the game but took the lead before all was said and done. I'll be the first one to admit that I was sure they were done after the way they opened up, but here was sat, up 4-3. The shot were also heavily in favor of the Blackhawks 19-6.


The third period was certainly not without its worrisome moments. The Blues actually put up a bit of a fight, but Corey Crawford and the Blackhawks defense held tight. The Blues had an 11-8 shot advantage but the Blackhawks scored the only two goals. When all was wrapped up with a pretty red bow, the Blackhawks were heading back to St. Louis, Monday, for game 7. Excellent...


The Good
  • The new third line of Ladd/Kruger/Hossa gave the Blackhawks just under four minutes into the game. Marian Hossa played the forecheck perfectly, and the puck squirted off the boards to Andrew Ladd, who beat Elliott. The United Center was hopping, but it wouldn't last for long.
  • Just over four minutes into the second period a Kyle Brodziak penalty gave the Blackhawks the chance they needed to get back into the game. Marian Hossa tried to beat Elliott on a high danger chance in the middle but Elliott made the save. The puck, though, went straight up in the air and Artem Anisimov bunted it out of the air, past Elliott. Life? Life!
  • Just over halfway through the second period the previously cast off #DickPanik, who was moved back up to the top line, showed great composure. Panik led the rush all by himself and waited for Jonathan Toews to catch the play. Panik then dropped the puck to Toews, and Jonny blew around Panik to the net. As soon as Toews hit the corner he spotted Trevor van Riemsdyk on the back door. Despite El Capitan getting hooked worse than Peter Pan, he got the puck to van Riemsdyk and it was in the net.
  • Late in the second, the Blackhawks completed their comeback from an unlikely hero, Dale Weise. The Blackhawks caught Kevin Shattenkirk without a stick behind the net and Weise laid him out. This left Weise wide open in front of the net and Panarin hit him for the one timer. Like Eddie Vedder once said......
  • Late in the third period, #DickPanik out raced the Blues defense which got him in on a partial breakaway. He didn't get much of a shot off but he DID draw a penalty. On the ensuing powerplay, Patrick Kane found Andrew Shaw wide open in front of the net, and...
  • The Marian Hossa empty net goal sealed the deal.
  • I said it during the game, and I'm saying it again. #DickPanik is turning into the new version of Michael Frolik. Thanks Toronto, enjoy your pouty Morin.

The Bad
  • The Blackhawks only held their first period lead for less than three minutes. Roughly 10 seconds after Andrew Desjardins missed on what should have been an open net goal, the Blues turned the play back over the other way. Scottie Upshall's shot hit Brent Seabrooks stick and beat Corey Crawford.
  • Just over 2 minutes after the Pietrangelo goal, Vladimir Tarasenko made it 3-1 Blues. The Blues simply took advantage of their odd man breaks, and you can't leave NHL players 5-8 feet from your goalie, especially 40 goal scorers named Tarasenko. He'll eat up any goalie in the league.
  • I didn't think this was physically possible, but Erik Gustafsson played less than anyone on the blackhawks, including David Rundblad. I cannot recall seeing David Rundblad touch the ice once. I call bullshit.

The Ugly
  • Just over 2 minutes after the Upshall goal, Alex Pietrangelo used a very handy Nik Hjalmarsson screen to give the Blues a 2-1 lead.
  • Six minutes into the third period, a Hossa/Ladd 2-on-1 left Ladd with a wide open look on the back door and he put the puck off the crossbar.
  • Late in the final seconds of the second period, Corey Crawford took a high shot in the ribcage/arm pit area from Colton Parayko and went down hard. For a minute or so, it looked like he was in serious trouble. He eventually shook it off and finished the game.
  • Kevin Shitinpants...minus 3.
  • Frustrated with your pudgy coach a little, Vlad?
  • Dave Lozo perfectly summed up this game for the Blues on the Twittarz:

The #Fatrick Stankus Fatsy Stats
  • The Blackhawks actually led in posession by the smallest of margins, 54-52.
  • Hjalmarsson and Trevor van Riemsdyk got eaten alive in possession, but part of Hjalmarsson's issue is that he was WITH TVR
  • As you might expect with his horrible +/-, Kevin Shitinpants was the worst possession player on the Blues. Troy Brouwe, of all people, led the Blues with a plus 11 overall corsi.

The Lineblender
Shaw - Toews - Kane
Panarin - Anisimov - Teravainen
Ladd - Kruger - Hossa
Panik - Desjardins - Weise

Keith - Rundblad
Gustafsson - Seabrook
van Riemsdyk - Hjalmarsson