(Click the Title, RIP LEMMY)
For the last game of 2015, the Blackhawks traveled to sunny Arizona to face the lowly, but promising, Coyotes. The Blackhawks came off a pretty eventful day as far as they are concerned. They placed David Rundblad on waivers and called up defenseman Erik Gustafsson from Rockford. This was enough for all of us reasonable mammals to celebrate, but there was still danger of him coming back since no one claimed him off waivers. This was also the first time the Blackhawks faced their former team translator, Viktor Tikhonov, who was claimed on waivers by the Coyotes, who are actually serious about letting the poor kid actually play some hockey rather than eat all the bags of pretzels and peanuts in the press box.
The Hawks and Yotes opened up the game like the wild fucking west, Tuesday night. It started off pretty innocently but the powerplays began about five minute in, all hell then broke loose. The two team combined for power play goals on all of the first three, before the game was 10 minutes old. Sprinkle in an even strength goal and wrap this shit show up with a final minute powerplay goal and you have a 3-2 first period. The real laugher of this period was that the Blackhawks were out shot 12-5. WOOF
Understandably, the Yotes made a goalie switch for the second period, turning to a rookie named Louis Domingue. He thanked them by giving up a goal that was even worse than the one his opposing netminder gave up in the first period. The powerplays definitely slowed as far as production goes in the middle period as well. After the dust settled in this period, the Blackhawks had scored 2 goals on 17 shots while the Yotes were held scoreless on 14.
The third period can be best described as "sloppy" as far as the Blackhawks are concerned. Luckily for them, they were playing a team that was LITERALLY scoring on themselves. The Blackhawks went up 6-2 early on, but then proceeded to let the home team back in the game by giving up 3. When the game mercifully came to an end, the Blackhawks finished 2015 with a 7-5 win. All looks the same in the standings, right? Have a Happy New Year, everyone.
- The Blackhawks powerplay is just maddening. They look like total dogshit for the first half, so much so that Edzo was suggesting they play dump and chase the rest of the advantage after a Jonathan Toews live grenade to Teravainen led to a shorthanded 2-on-1. They turn right around the next shift and easily break the Coyotes defense which leads to Duncan Keith's powerplay goal.
- A minute after the Keith goal, the Blackhawks scored a second powerplay goal. This time from slumping Artem Anisimov. It was a pretty simple play that led to a long laser from the point, which Anisimov redirected in front.
- Stand down, everybody! Looks like all the Blackhawks ills are cured, guys. The biggest Hawks problem is fixed. The guy that was holding everybody back, Artemi Panarin, scored.
- You know you are having a bad night when you give up a bouncing 50 foot wrist shot goal from Andrew Desjardins, two minutes into your night. Welcome to the game, Louis Domingue. It got worse.
- With just over 6 minutes remaining in the second period Andrew Shaw found Patrick Kane across the slot with a nice pinpoint pass, and Domingue had zero chance to get over in enough time to even attempt to stop Kane's shot. The Yotes are fucking awful. It should also be pointed out that the play was started by a nice keep-in and pass from Erik Gustafsson. No use for a guy like that on this team!
- Max Domi is a player. Kid has some serious talent. Let's all hope none of Shitstain Doan's repulsive sliminess rubs off on the kid.
- Erik Gustafsson was barely noticeable in 14:43 of time. He ended up with a plus 3, and an assist. Perfect for his spot. Just be serviceable. That he was, which is more than anyone can say for Rob Suck-deri.
- Hey, shit, Michael Rozival was alright too, eh? He matched his partner's +3, of course, in 13:23. That has to count for something right, Beetlejuice?
- Zybanek Michalek tied the game for the Coyotes, at 2, with almost 8 minutes remaining in the FIRST FUCKING PERIOD. Dennis Rasmussen got caught running around in the Hawks zone, after he turned the puck over. Oliver Ekman-Larsson wound up behind the Blackhawks net with about half a day to find Michalek for a one timer past Crawford.
- Shitstain Doan got his second goal of the game with about 12:30 remaining in the third period, on the powerplay. There were about 4 asses in Crawford's grill, which MAY have been a contributing factor.
- Andrew Shaw had a breakaway from center ice, and you might have some idea how that ended. "Hands of Stone" fumbled the puck like a virgin with a bra strap, on prom night, after faking Domingue out.
- Connor Murphy brought the game back within 2 goals with seven minutes remaining in the game. Tobias Rieder hit Murphy with a pass across the high slot and Murphy used an Antoine Vermette screen to beat Crawford. With all the crazy goalie interference calls this year, Quenneville had to be hoping they would take a look when he called timeout after. Was enough to make you wonder.
- Shitstain Doan finished off the hat trick with 27 seconds remaining in the game, on the powerplay. When nothing mattered. The appropriate time for him to tie the franchise record for career goals, when no one else gave a rat's ass. Clearly the "fans" didn't because there was ONE fucking hat thrown on the ice. That's both insulting and pitiful. Throw your hats out there, you fucking jackals!
- The Blackhawks gave up 37 shots, and somehow managed to score 7 on only 28 of their own. Kick your own asses, 'Zona. Seriously...
- The third powerplay of the game, and first by Arizona, yielded a simply BRUTAL goal given up by Corey Crawford. Shitstain Doan was on the half boards and just flipped the puck lightly at the net. The puck bounced innocently in front of Crawford and took a sharp left on him. Ugly looking goal, but the puck bounces funny sometimes. I guess. He should have honestly pulled a Pudge Fisk and gotten his entire body in front of that puck. He gave it the "Ole", and it handcuffed him something fierce.
- Andrew Desjardins' second goal of the game came with about 5 minutes gone in the third. Teravainen found him in behind the the Yotes defense and hit him with a great pass. Desjardins got off a shot that Domingue saved, but Grossman plowed into the crease and put the puck into his own net. This was a game of Benny Hill style goals.
- Late in the third there was some incidental contact between Zybanek Michalek and Marian Hossa at the Hawks blue line. Unfortunately, Michalek's head made contact with Hossa's shoulder because Michalek was bent over reaching for the puck. Foley was completely mystified as to why Michalek laid face down on the ice for a good minute after the play, even after seeing the replay. The best he could come up with was "looks like there could have been some knee, to knee contact". At that moment, you were the dumbest person watch this game. Pull yourself together.
- Bryan Bickell is so utterly terrible that Quenneville limitted him to 6:47 of ice time. He still inexplicably managed to take a penalty and go -2. When the best thing Pat Foley can say about a $4 Million player is that he had 5 hits in his previous game, that is an atrocious player.
- While we're at it, I'm going to tell you something that none of you probably realized. Ryan Garbutt dressed and played. "Played" being a relative term, because he was on the ice for miniscule 5:50. Enough said.
- Dennis Rasmussen centered this immense and gaping black hole of a line, and his reward was 6:21 time on ice.
Shaw - Toews - Hossa
Panarin - Anisimov - Kane
Bickell - Rasmussen - Garbutt
Teravainen - Danault - Desjardins
Keith - van Riemsdyk
Hjalmarsson - Seabrook
Rozsival - Gustafsson
