Thursday, November 4, 2010

Devil's Advocate


"HIGH FIVE!"


It's official, I'm thoroughly annoyed. It took 15 games to do it, but the taste in my mouth resembles the mixture of piss and murky pond water. Blame the injuries (New Jersey has more), blame the trades (only Buff and Ladd are even on the radar), blame Obama (why not everyone else is?), but it's time they start looking in the fucking mirror; starting with the Coach. I've been pretty level headed and patient, but this is simply ridiculous. I've made it through roughly 20% of the regular season without getting annoyed, which might be a new high for me. Lets lay out this dogshit circus, and I'm starting with the ugly, because it's only fitting.

The Ugly
Duncan, Duncan, Duncan; sit down, and let's talk for a few minutes. The second and third goals looked like carbon copies of each other. Puck ends up at Keith's feet, he jerks around with it for a second or two, the opponent just takes a whack, and it ends up in the back of the net. The third one, Turco was VERY lazy getting back to his post, but his NORRIS TROPHY WINNING D-MAN had the puck in a not so threatening position. You might understand why he might have let up for a second.

I love Sharpie to death, but as of this morning he is a -10. Yes, a fucking MINUS 10! Let me remind you that he leads the league in goals, powerplay goals, game winning goals, and shots on net. So, it's not that he's not on the ice for Blackhawks goals. He was a MINUS 5 last night ALONE! Not good, not good at all. No one should be leading the league in goals and a -10.

This is a misleading subject, but the forth line...wow. Just WOW! Granted they did not play a bad game, considering Moustachio dressed two defensemen as forwards, and a winger as their center. I'm going to ask the one question everyone else was thinking, Mr. Joel Norman Quenneville; ARE YOU HIGH?!?! With the group of talent this organization has laying around, the best forth line you can put together is Jordan Hendry, Fernando Pisani, and John Fucking Frankenscott? PLEASE! Don't insult my intelligence. That is the bottom of the barrel, my friends. Not only this, but if you think this line is a viable NHL fourth line, why was Fernando Pisani the only one of the three to play in the entire second half of the game? Now we're playing with 3 lines. AWESOME!

The Bad
I've pretty much laid out the shitshow that went on last night, but here are a few more thoughts.

On the first goal, Sharp (of course because he was on the ice for EVERY goal) and Kopecky took a break to adjust their g-strings, or something, and let Jason Arnott trot right in, like a show horse, for the first goal. Of course, all this is following Brian Campbell blindly turning it over behind his net with an NHL quality beautiful no look pass to Patrick Elias, because he was worried about a little contact. Aaaaaand, Arnott made no mistake, by parking it in the back of the net. Just how we drew it up, right guys?

This is bad for a different reason but, Martin Brodeur left the game at 14:12 of the second, with some kind of right flipper injury. Why is this bad for the Hawks? Because 105 year old Johan Hedberg not only played great, but kept the Devils in the game. Originally, the injury seemed to give the Hawks some fresh energy, but that was spent fairly quick.

The Good
I have half a mind to just leave this part blank, but, being the professional I am, here is the "not bad".

Brian Campbell had a good hit on Elias in the second, but that doesn't make up for the gift he gave Elias for that first goal.

Jack Skillington continues to show energy and had another breakaway, but Hedberg made a better save. Jack, dear, you need to work on finishing, now. THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! ZIIIIIING!

Bickell was back, and rusty, but still didn't look as bad as Frankenscott, which is like saying Sopel wasn't as ugly as Medusa. You get the point.

Once again, Turco did not play bad. He nice save on a Kovalchuk breakaway, after Keith's shot missed the net and everyone watched it ricochet around the boards like a super ball. He had no chance on the Arnott goal, and like I said about the other two, they were freak plays where Keith sort of froze, allowing the opponent to get some kind of half ass shot towards the net. And Justin Bourne can kiss my ass regarding Turco..

Now that I've mentioned him, let me break off onto a slight tangent. Ilya Kovalchuk is a good player, but from all that I've seen, he's not GREAT. CERTAINLY not worth that bloated contract. Ten out of ten times, I will take Marian Hossa over Kovachuk. I have not seen Kovy control the puck like Boss does, I certainly have not seen him play defense like Boss does, and I have not seen him single-handedly control the play like Boss does. So every time someone bitches about Boss's contract, just remember; we could be paying and annual cap hit of $6,666,666 (666; Devils; get it? Real clever, Lou Lam) until 2025, for Ilya Kover-rated's defenseless ass instead.

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